I could see from a distance the ruined creature, stuck to the highway. Traffic had taken its toll since the early morning, ribs and thighs were clearly visible amongst the gore.
Fur and flesh had separated but two still distinguishable parts were the ears. Close up, the right ear had a bald patch, rubbed away after a wasp sting...so cruelly distinguishable.
The only way to remove him from the road was with a spade, shovelled into a sack.
no pawprints
on the kitchen floor
this rainy day
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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i hope you will post this at AHA .. it deserves comment !
lemme see ...
the title ... and the first sentence is telling us everything ... from a distance you could not know it was a dead cat ? ... can we be a bit more mysterious (THIS then would help the haiku to settle the question and not be an addendum to the whole) ...
In the distance, another black patch stuck to the highway? how do you know it had been there since the early morning ? or are you now travelling back past it again ? ... keep it in the moment ... Traffic has taken its toll (we dont need the early morning ?) ... can you show the gore ? a little more colour, ooze and tarmac sticking the thigh to the road ...
from the haiku i gather it might be your cat ... (bleeargh) ..t his being the case the ears and distinguishing marks need to be shown as personally recognisable ... i kep wondering how you knew it was a wasp sting ... the haiku tells me this may be your cat ..
i love the premise .... taking a 'travelling' form and making it your own ... utilising death and nature/human nature ... you could add a little more of self into this you know ... unlike haiku, haibun is about your experience, in fact its the 'i' that is missing here ... >>> Gina
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