Baby the stars were shining like needle tipped sparkles
&& I couldent look you in the eyes because you were giving
me that feeling,
;;
the one that made my heart beat like it was
gonna jump out of my rib cage.
Skin on skin hushed melodramatic excuses
and I had forgot how pretty my hips looked when they were bruised.
I chocked on opium lust and scabbed knuckles for the hundredth time.
Dripping with slapstick mistakes and memories of [purging]
away this pain and [cutting] away my imperfection.
Your body was heaven and my knees buckled under the the intensity of your star
foam smile.One more night of [touch me right there please] &&
i feel more like a whore than ever.
I could make believe that we were in [love] and you could kiss like
your tongue had never even lied.
Author notes
wow,first off all,im not nearly as slutty as this makes
me sound,and second,my ex came over the other night;;
guess what happened?
ohh yeah,and i nicked the title from the msi song
I hate jimmy page.
A contest entry
- Mistakes and Memories by whiterabbit..
380 points, ended August 28, 2008, 24 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
I love this.
It's so nice to read a dp piece that isn't cliche. I love the descriptions and details that you've written in here. And don't worry, this doesn't make you sound like a whore. I'm sure most of us have been here before.
Amazing write doll and thanks so much for entering. -
You're one of the few dp writers who I actually enjoy reading. I love "star foam smile".
I felt the first line could have been better as just "Baby the stars were shining like needle tips" though.
It doesn't make you sound slutty - this happens to more girls than you realize.
-
this honestly doesnt make you sound slutty at all. i've been exactly where you are before....there's that one guy that you just cant let go of but all they do is use you....and its too hard to say no because giving in is the closest thing you have to what you really want. i really hope you make it through ok!! if you ever need someone to talk to that's completely unbiased hit me up. i know the feeling all too well.
[amazing poem btw, i love how you take all of your pain and turn it into something so beautiful] -
i really like this. i really like all the imagery you use 'cause it's not that same old same old dp cliche words.
like all this: "Skin on skin hushed melodramatic excuses
and I had forgot how pretty my hips looked when they were bruised.
I chocked on opium lust and scabbed knuckles for the hundredth time.
Dripping with slapstick mistakes and memories of [purging]
away this pain and [cutting] away my imperfection.
Your body was heaven and my knees buckled under the the intensity of your star
foam smile."
pretty pretty pain.
you're fabulous.
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