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You

When I try to run
you are the air around me that slows me down.
When I try to fly
you are the gravity that pushes me to the ground.
You are my evil twin, the other half of me,
who sneaks around and tells people lies.
You are my worst enemy, my best friend,
the one who annoys me when he doesn't even try.
You are my first real love,
and you were my first real kiss.
You are the one who stood on the roof of the building above me
and took a big piss.
You are the rain on a nice summer's day.
You are the person who I love, but hate, in every single way.
When the leaves fall off the trees
you are the ugly bugs who were always there but no one saw before.
You are the friend that everyone hates,
but they keep you around, even though they can't take you anymore.
You always were the person who I forgave for keeping me waiting,
even though you are a whole day and a half late.
When I'm having a bad day,
you are every single thing I hate.
You are the person
who makes me want to kick and scream!
You told me lies
and then you acted like our love was one big wonderful dream.
But now I really hate everything that you always were
and have become.
You are the person who will never admit to anyone
that YOU were wrong, but now you're done.
You are everything
that I will never be.
One day you will realize
that I was everything that you wanted from me.
You were my best friend
only three weeks ago.
And now everyone knows what we did,
and I don't even know how we could stoop so low!
But just understand
that I'll never love you again.
Because the things that happened aren't now, they are three weeks ago,
and now is now, and that was then.
You are the one who is
dead to me forever.
You are the one who was stupid,
when you thought you were being so clever.
You should have learned to shut up
and just open your ears.
I am the one who is gonna forget this happened
When you will be regretting this for many years.
You are the one
who deserves to go to hell.
And you are the one who no one is listening to
when you try to yell.
You are my one
and only mistake.
Because you are the only one
who I truly hate.

When I try to run
you are the air around me that slows me down.
When I try to fly
you are the gravity that pushes me to the ground.

Author notes

BorntothePurple:

This is my favorite poem because everything I wrote was true. Writing it also kinda helped me to realize all of the things that I wrote about this guy is true, which apparently I couldn't realize before these things just came out. sorry, kinda confused myself there even haha.
I also like this poem because I'm pretty sure it's the longest one I've ever written.







For that other contest... I dont remember which one:

I am Fallen angel
&
I hate Edd.

haha\

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 18 of 18

  • Ms.Daydream
    January 31

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, that is some long poem full of strong feelings, but still some love inside. Nice way of mixing the feelings. 'You' is one pretty strong word, accusing your lover in the title. Since your poem is long, why don't you put it in stanzas? That way, people won't lose their way in reading this. Not literally of course. =P
    Also, I like it when you repeat the first four lines to the last part, it shows you still care for him. I also like those two lines, it shows that he's everything in nature, watching and slowing you down. If this is true, I hope you have a more steady and happy relationship in the future. =)
    Good luck with this contest! =D


  • Symphony
    November 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Ouch, sounds like you're struggling and fighting against a steady, strong force in this one - always a tough opponent to beat. I'll be honest, and say that I didn't particularly like this one - I think it was the constant repetition of "you, you, you, it's all your fault" - because, from reading through, the interpretation sounds like something intimate happened between you both, and then the other person took off and told the world and its mother.

    If this is the case, then yes, that is low, and would hurt - but it does take two to tango, and by permitting yourself to become involved, you were actively allowing the risk of that happening, even if you didn't think about it. But, your personal circumstance is not to relate to my criticism of the poem [because who i am to criticise your life; nobody ]

    But thank you for entering


    • Nostalgic Moon
      November 27, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      thank you for the comment! seriously, thank you, sometimes i just need someone to tell me to stop being self-centered and that it's my fault too! even though i have realized this myself, it feels good to hear it from someone else.
      oh and 'intimate' is a gross word,
      id rather stick with.... 'he got too close'
      ha

      Have a safe & happy Thanksgiving!!


  • ProudMomma
    October 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I don't like how you only rhymed once in awhile if you are gonna rhyme make it steady But maybe you didn't even try to rhyme.. but good write

  • piccola silver member
    September 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I have already commented on this write so will add nothing as there are no changes and I've found nothing new. Thank you for entering again.


  • Hetha gold member
    August 21, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This is definitely in the category of letting it all out, and for that you did very well with it. I can see why you can't stand this person. Give it time. You will remember the lesson, and the pain will eventually fade in good time, and you will move on to people that are more worth your time and love. great job with your work and good luck in the future.


  • SignifyingNothing
    August 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Sounds like you really got your emotions out with this one, and that's good. Poetry can be good for that. This reads just like a stream of thoughts. I have to admit, this type of poetry isnt' really my thing, I like stuff that's a bit more lyrical and traditional than kind of those rants. But rants can be good, like I said, at least for the ranter. :-) Thanks for following my instructions with your author's notes, few people did, so thank you. And thank you for entering. Sounds like you are better off without this guy, really.


  • HeartBr8ker
    August 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Beautiful!!!!!!!!!!

    This is an absolutely amazing poem. Also I do believe that poetry heals the soul and mind. I started writing poetry because I fell in love. You get more props for how much of yourself you put in this piece. Great write and good luck in all the contest.... Including mine...

  • piccola silver member
    August 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    When I try to run
    you are the air around me that slows me down.
    When I try to fly
    you are the gravity that pushes me to the ground.

    I love that stanza and am glad to see it repeated at the end. Nice job.


  • echo-ink
    August 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    You ought to frame this and sell it!

    I think everyone has one of these in their past. you did a great job with your emotions on this. Thanks for the entry and good luck. PL


  • xCandieKissesx
    August 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Sorrowful.

    I'm truly sorry this happend to you. I had a great friend once, who I lost because of her mistakes she couldn't fix. I was in a similar situation as this. It ruined my life! But after years of fighting, we put our past behind us, and now we are still very good friends. Great job and good luck!


  • Judo
    August 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I'm really sorry this happened to you. Awesome great, great rhyming, this is really good. put a lot of emotion and feeling into it. This is fantastico!!!!!!


  • BelieveInHope21
    August 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    im in aww

    this write is an honest point of view about how u feel...sometimes being in a relationship can slow u down a bit and we have to try to not let that get to us..good use of rhyme..also we sometimes just need to get over the fact that someone has done us wrong and just move on...really great write! much love!


  • Tiffany Turner
    August 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Great Job..

    Well done...i love this write....i can feel the hate and love and the mix of the two...i can see the words coming to life...this is very discripitive....Great Job...Keep it up...

    ~:~Tiffany~:~


  • The Azure Flame
    August 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Deep poem keep writing.


  • emo-gal
    August 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    very good well done x


  • Angierie
    August 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "When I try to run
    you are the air around me that slows me down.
    When I try to fly
    you are the gravity that pushes me to the ground"

    ok i'm in love with this.. and you.. that's all there is to it..lol

    -ang

1 - 18 of 18