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~ Indiscretion~







I look softly brushing away
soft molecules as tears become
soft rain.


I flutter  captured within a latitude
higher then the naked eye.

Heated words of scarlet red brought on
by your indiscretion left haunting scars
across my soul where our tomorrows
used to dwell.

And a life so promising was left shattered
because your thirst for self satisfaction
became your weakest asset.

Confused and reckless
thoughts brought acceleration
into a wall of twisted metal.

Leaving me hovering in the abyss of
whitened clouds trapped within the
human word of purgatory.



Author notes

First of all picture credit.image credit: http://tn3-1.deviantart.com/fs8/300W/i/2005/353/9/a/melody_for_angels_by_greenfeed.jpg

Second: I searched to find a poem that I could write that would spring board with the picture so my poet and poem of choice for this is a wonderful writer, with great usage of verbage she is jasminerose.
The poem that inspired me to write this is...

http://allpoetry.com/poem/4373353

User Name : Frozentearz

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • storiesuntold gold member
    September 22, 2008

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    Wonerful poetry here

    I love the way you whisper upon a page and makes one feel life from the inside out as the heart so often leads the way so shall tears fall as we venture into the unknown


  • Pamela A Lamppa silver member
    August 21, 2008

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    Beautiful words my friend. This pulls and prods the soul for meaning, for understanding. Well done. ~Pamela


  • jasminerose
    August 13, 2008

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    OH my Tearz, this grabs ahold of my heart and yanks it right out of my chest...
    I am so honored my poem could inspire you as you've truly captured the depth of emotion with beautiful words and imagery that lead to a tragic reality for many.
    Loved this line..
    "And a life so promising was left shattered
    because your thirst for self satisfaction
    became your weakest asset"
    Impressive my friend, outstanding penning as always!!
    My best to you in this contest!
    Jazzy


  • XxYoru-OkamixX
    August 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    that poem is very beautiful. good job ^^


  • Idle Mind Wondering silver member
    August 12, 2008

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    There is a haunting voice amidst these truths you have penned. A longing and a resolution of the greater sadness for loss of love than the loss of life.

    very well done and full of emotion.

  • BrotherOfShadows
    August 5, 2008

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    Deep

    I'm lost in thought trying to figure out what I feel about this. It tells of so manythings to me but the bigger picture is obviously a relationship. The way it seems to me as I have experienced it is that some one isn't exactly doing you justice but really just dragging you along for the ride. Hey let me know if you think I might be able to help or for my own intrests if you just want to let me know what inspired this poem that would be fine by me to. A person can never know too much about life.


    • Frozentearz
      August 6, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Hello, I don't mind telling you, what inspired the poem
      first off it was the picture second my choice of poet and poem from the list, in the about box. I read her poem,
      and I thought of the sad reality of How someone's self satisfaction leaves a path of destruction. Some in time get over it and for some the hurt and confusion leads to their own death, be it suicide, or just recklessness.
      And growing up Catholic left me with the sense of purgatory, for it was always told that if you took your own life forever you would dwell in the in between.
      The line "because your thirst for self satisfaction
      became your weakest asset." Holds truth in my eyes some do think that they are perfecto and their need of self satisfaction ! (ego if we must is their biggest asset )when in fact it is the weakest.. and wouldn't you agree it leaves behind a tangled mess in this case death. A very sad reality for some.


  • klassy lassy
    August 5, 2008

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    Why is it that truth so often is in that latitude beyond the human eye? And skin is what we see if we do not take time to look past the demands of the senses.

    I thought you did a beautiful job with similie and metaphor. The only line that gave me pause was this one: "because your thirst for self satisfaction
    became your weakest asset" because I don't see how self-satisfaction at someone else's pain and expense is an asset at all.

    I wish you success in the contest.



    • Frozentearz
      August 6, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      And a life so promising was left shattered
      because your thirst for self satisfaction
      became your weakest asset.

      "because I don't see how self-satisfaction at someone else's pain and expense is an asset at all. "

      Nor would I However In the crazy mind of some they indeed think their selfish way's are their biggest asset.
      thus destroying everything within their path.. Sad but a reality.

      Thanks for stopping by.
      ~Tearz






  • poet2angels gold member
    August 2, 2008

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    WOW

    Such emotion in every word of this...I didn't even have to look back on the poem you chose to inspire. I remember it well..It too was filled will emotion...and you have done it justice with your beautifully written piece,,,
    This has a haunting quality about it that stays with one long after leaving the page and that, my friend, is great poetry...

    I would like to take this time to thank you for being a favorite of mine and for being a source of support and an uplifting unfluence for so long for me here at AP. Even when you didn't realize it, the little things you have said and done, and in my group, "Poets With Feathers" though we are not very active, I myself not haing much time at all, you always rise to the occasion when I do have the time and ask for group input or support for another member..Thank you for that, and just for being you!


    Lynda


  • Frogzter gold member
    August 1, 2008

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    Oh sista, this is deep! The last stanza just blew me away... the working up to it was awesome as well! I also liked the wording of the 2nd stanza. I am always impressed and inspired by good free verse!

    Frogz~

1 - 11 of 11