can you please tell me how
to wish on a shooting star
so i can can go on
many times i have done this
but this is it
so im saying goodbye
so neo joys can begin filling me again
i can't see past myself
no one can change
for these lines will be lost
and my soul will be free
and i can go on
and leave this behind
so can you please tell me how
to wish upon a shooting star
tell me to leave
say it's snowing
yell at me to go
this maybe the end
I might never grow
but keep on going
i just want to believe
so this is the end
i cant depend on you anymore
i wish to say i love you
to say your the one
but this isn't going to change
and i cant be with you no more
so please tell me one more time
how to wish upon a shooting star
A contest entry
- even... by PrabhuDayal Khattar.
300 points, ended August 15, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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"say it's snowing
yell at me to go"
These lines were surprising and refreshing. I can feel your mind reaching out for help to let this go. Is that a typo in line seven? Great poem. -
amazing write
this is an awsome piece! great with the flow on expressing what you're sharing...we all lose ppl and tend to wish we could have them back, but fate says no, it's not the right time or this isn't the right person...all we can do is learn from it and we become wiser through the works of the world...love the title and it goes great with this writing...some parts could be rephrased and put puncuation here and there, but other than that, i love it and it can be related to..thanks for sharing!!
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wow!!! Excellent work. It's such a beautiful and heartfelt poem. It sounds sad and sweet. You have allot of talent. keep up the good work! Great job, really!
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Great!
It is always nice to read a poem where the person is finally deciding to get one with their life and leave this person that is being mentally exhausting to them. This truly proves that we can overcome what some people would call love, without so much as a glance back to the life we once led.
Great job -
You know, this would be a great poem for shape poetry. And guess what shape I'd choose? LOL. Loved it. Bittersweet, sad, poignant, classic.
This is my favorite part:
i can't see past myself
no one can change
for these lines will be lost
and my soul will be free
and i can go on
and leave this behind
so can you please tell me how
to wish upon a shooting star
Very sweetly written.
Much love,
jin -
This is interesting...
The narration keeps me quizzical
You have a nice ability of saying enough but not giving it all away...
Certains parts flow superbly, such as:
"yell at me to go
this maybe the end
I might never grow
but keep on going
i just want to believe"
Great part of the poem.
Maybeplaceafewspacesinbetweenideasinyourpoemcausesometimesitjustgetstomuch
But great work
Keep Writing
Ditt0 -
Ah..how innocently stating the story of the heart ..very touching...Well done my friend..I love it..
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