Kelly C

I spoke to you only recently
and we cackled and laughed
and despaired
and talked of mundane things that
have wisped away now like puffs of smoke
but that I wish I could now reclaim and make whole

and I have turned into a walking cliche
and I find myself talking about 'time to heal'
and 'life going on'
when quite clearly it is not
because it has stopped for you
and left a hole, a kelly shaped hole in my life

No-one to share secrets with, raise eyebrows with
at the pomposity of the fools around us
and now when I turn
my chair to speak to you, someone else sits there
who is not as funny or as kind or as eccentric
who does not plug into her ipod and forget all else

I wish I wish I wish I wish I wish
I had psychic abilities and could see into the future
or could turn back time
so that I could tell you how fantastic you are
and how important you were to me
and how much I appreciate you still, more now even

Instead, my memories are filled with the echoes
of the vicar speaking about you in a hush filled room
as we wept
and the sound of the basket hitting the floor
as you fell to the floor, so unexpected
so wrong and unfair and I could weep and wail
and cry with rage and berate unknown gods

instead I pretend you are still on holiday
and not yet returned
living forever on a sun drenched beach
filled with holiday excitement and the wind from the sea
forever stroking your hair
your ipod plugged in.  I do hope you're there.