Dead and buried long before the winter stays, I beg, I pray… please… please hasten and do not hesitate.
Don’t leave regret upon my grave.
You look through sorrowful eyes, toward mine who see unbiased beauty [marred and masked by fractured mirrors] not reaching for your grip, never fully extended.
And although our hearts continue to beat – so distant and faint… (softer and softer) my lady in waiting, a murderer…
… from a lack of reciprocating.
By Jaye Eryk
Copyright ©2008
Author notes
245trioxin
Non-monosyllabic comments welcomed
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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WOW, Brilliant
Thnx for entering & Best of Luck
GloriousGift
Hebz -
It is a really wonderful poem. I don't really get it, because, as was said before, you make your point without really revealing anything. I love the wording, it's awesome, it creates images in your head.
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Nice,
I can so appreciate that ending, like the twists and turns.
Short and to the painful point, which is a plus to pack a punch.
Well worded, and expressed piece from the master of disaster.You
bro. Bravo.
PW.
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:))))
this is very deeep..but wonderfully written
i felt the lines as i read. wonderful job...the last line creepyyyyyyy...lo but a great piece!
juliet
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Wow, J, as amazing as ever, I've missed reading your work, in fact, I've missed you too, everytime I read these little pieces of you something inside me clicks, perhaps, I just have a great eye for talent, keep doing what you do, you're fantastic at it. x
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it is amazing it doesn't give things away yet your message is clear
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WOW!
Now this, is mind blowing! I'm actually speechless right now! Incredible, unbelievable! Those are just a few words to describe how great this piece is! Congrats on making it into the spotlight!!! -
Hell yeah.
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my lady in waiting, a murderer...…brings to mind Lady Macbeth. Wonderful piece!
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Aww so sad and greatly written I felt every word. Talented piece
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Short & (bitter)sweet
You use words to their fullest, deepest (darkest
) meaning...wow.
"long before the winter stays"
Your inclusion of mentioning a season is SO appropriate...leaves a cold, empty sullenness.
"unbiased beauty"
I think that would be hard to find, personally.
"my lady in waiting, a murderer ..."
Interesting...'lady in waiting' sounds so refined, upper-class, & well, er...classy. LoL...'murderer' is SUCH a contrast...nice job.
That last line is KILLAH--"from a lack of reciprocating" just bites you in the ass.
Awesome write, but it's bitter.
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Unbelievable
I like the shortness of this, it leaves nothing but the silence hanging over a precipice, afraid to fall, afraid to reach out...a silence that is heard begging to be put to rest.
And what an image I am holding in my mind, you never cease to break my heart, over and over, but then, I've come to expect it and would miss it if you didn't.
My favorite line:
You look through sorrowful eyes, toward mine who see unbiased beauty [marred and masked by fractured mirrors] not reaching for your grip, never fully extended
It will sound strange to some, but there is beauty in the pain that you write. Excellent work, definately one of my favorites.
~I.
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yes, yes...i see it!
reciprocate...word of the day, yeah?
hmm...i read it a few times over and it gave me damn chills!! brrrrr...in the middle of the, okay....end of the summer. wait, is it end...or end of the middle! stfu, rianna!
anyway, even as short as it is...it's pretty powerpacked!!!! awesomness!!
no good emoticons HERE!!!!! grrrr, so...
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