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[ It wasn't as they said. ]

It wasn't as they said.
When the waves engulfed him in this new reality.
There was no light.
No tunnel, to the surface.
Just silence, solitude.
Then the feeling of arms.
Warmth wrapped around him.
As the breath of life was given back.
His eyes were opened.
And it was as if he were seeing for the first time.



A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • Beauty Of Silence
    August 12, 2008

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    ooh

    this is powerful! i love the emotions you instilled in me with your words! keep penning, thanks for the entry and best of luck!

    ~beauty of silence


  • checkmate
    August 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    impressive. the imagery here is great and I love the idea behind this. your piece has a good flow, and I love your style.

    great work, and congrats on the bronze.

    -checkmate


  • JeannieD Hunter gold member
    August 10, 2008

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    Oh I do hope for at least the feeling of peace. This was very well written. I really appreciate you taking the time to share this experience. Thanks so much and good luck!


  • transit
    August 6, 2008

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    ooo

    a very interesting piece. I love the imagery and how this seemed to flow like a story and it was easy to follow though it could be interpreted in a few ways.

    "Warmth wrapped around him.'

    I could feel the warmth almost. great job on this one. good luckies!

    transit~


  • -shiningstars-
    August 5, 2008
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    could you please tell me which option you picked?
    ~kenzie


  • Freed by Mercy silver member
    August 2, 2008
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    Beautiful and filled with hope. I think this would be even more powerful written in first person.


  • dustookie2
    August 2, 2008

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    You have penned so much into these lines the power of life ...to breathe it in exhale and life to tell of your experience. I like the way you presented in the third person. Good luck in the contest.


  • crazymomma
    August 1, 2008

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    OMG! This was so descriptive and the imagery vivid. I took it as a metaphore for something other than drowning too. It is powerful and well written. Good luck in the contest

1 - 8 of 8