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Lavender Breath

  

you sighed my muse,
borrowed breath held softly
amongst our lavender shadows



stark silhouette,
I cut your shape and form
from cloudy whispers;
smoke ringlets curled
like the left side
of your figure



you cupped my ears &
spread poetry like rumors:
with a secretive smile



words played emotion
upon open palms-
giggles & laughter danced,
but there was sadness too...



we held hands,
feet swung across the
star-studded-sky where

your eyes shone down



head on shoulder,
you laid your sigh to rest

 

 

& it was my turn
to breathe.


 

 

Author notes

Username: GreenHrtPaleMoon
To Christina

Part One of my 'lavender shadows' series

In a list

A contest entry

Critical Critique Desired.

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 35 of 35

  • Kutie20Kayla13
    January 2
    Edit | Reply

    I like it

    This is a unique poem. It was a delightful piece to read. I absulutly love the first stanza.


  • etoile
    October 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow this was beautiful. I loved every word. the imagery was fantastic. this was wonderfully written, I honestly have no critique for this.
    the ending was amazing. the second stanza is my favourite.

    thanks for entering and goodluck


  • LiMarie silver member
    October 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    MMmmm this is lovely, nice imagery,and it seems to me that your love for writing is beautifully apparent.

  • ecrivain01
    September 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Very good ...

    but I'd change "figure" to "tongue".

    Anyway, good job, all in all.


  • flight
    September 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    so beautiful!!! "head on shoulder" is the only line
    i don't like, it just sounds funny, i keep wanting
    it to say "your head on my shoulder" or something
    of that likeness. anyway, the rest of this
    is breath taking, wonderful job!

    peace to all ~flight


  • Flowergirl
    August 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    i loved it good work....


  • Mc25
    August 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I loved it... but you didn't put your username in the Authors notes, and from the looks of it, this has more to do with a physical relationship (therefore someone you have met in person)

    You have three days to put your name in your AN and to comment back to explain how this can be construed as relevent to my contest before I remove your poem.

    I really do love your poem, and I'm sure this Christina really does hold you close to her heart, but I have to be stern on the rules here.


    • Age of Rain
      August 10, 2008

      Edit | Reply
      I have never met this person in real life. The poem is merely a metaphor. In fact, she has an AP account and has commented on it.

  • blaq roze
    August 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    normally, i copy/paste my fave part of a poem in with my comment, but i can't do that here...to do so would be to copy/paste the entire thing...you really captured my heart with this one, pal...best of luck to you in the contest...

  • imahealer
    August 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Marty, I will be keeping up with this beautiful series. If only by osmosis you could transfer your ingenious way of writing to your mom (This one LOL)

    "you sighed my muse" --- what an ingenious way to begin a love poem.
    The second stanza was brilliant.
    You wrote this entire verse from how she made YOU feel.
    Your end line was the perfect volta to a perfect poem. You are such an inspiration to all who read your words. When I grow up, I will write with the panache of my AP son!!
    Love,
    Mom XOXO


  • Mairi bheag gold member
    August 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "you cupped my ears &
    spread poetry like rumors"

    I loved that line.

    Word-choices throughout that are vivid and subtle.


  • PerfectImperfection
    August 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    What can I say that Jessica hasn't already said lmao!!! This is gorgeous indeed... Even to that beautifully vulgar state of conviction in a word lol.

    The title begins the softness, flowing so well with the intent.

    "borrowed breath held softly
    amongst our lavender shadows"

    .. such a gentle caress to begin adoration's testament ..

    "stark silhouette,
    I cut your shape and form
    from cloudy whispers"

    .. in reference to first stanza, such a great essence to continue - the imagery is so intriguing and filled with natural affinity to heart ..

    "spread poetry like rumors"

    .. love that line, poignant and appealing ..

    "star-studded-sky"

    .. ooh that fits so well here, just the context ..

    "head on shoulder,
    you laid your sigh to rest


    & it was my turn
    to breathe."

    And that ending!!! Oh, that alone left me in that numbed state of fantasy in thought - amorous reflections, and endearment for another. An excellent write indeed. Just fantabulous!






  • notorious
    August 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Fuckin gorgeous


    This is exactly the kind of poetry I usually abstain from, since my modus operandi is usually weird, evil poetry that references The Matrix both intentionally & subconsciously.

    First of all, that title is sigh-inducing (you know, if I was the kind of person who sighed over gorgeousness. I'm not. )

    But I do commend you on it.

    "you sighed my muse"
    LoL! Inventive...

    "borrowed breath"
    NICE--has a feeling of connection, which I'm sure you meant to create (you did it well amigo).
    And plus, great alliteration--you spank it well as well.

    Abusing the word 'well' here.

    "I cut your shape and form/from cloudy whispers"
    'cloudy whispers' is SO abstract, and I like the idea of being able to "form" somebody's being by cutting...where the hell did you get those scissors?

    "like the left side/of your figure"
    WOW. Great simile. Damn!!!!!!!

    "spread poetry like rumors"
    Again, awesome simile. You make the word 'like' so intellectually poetic with these inventive, awesome, innovative, creative, groovy similes...
    I overdosed on adjectives man.

    "star-studded-sky"
    Eh...could/should be==>star-studded sky w/o the hyphen after 'studded'.
    But cool alliteration...it's nifty and...tongue-y.

    "& it was my turn to breathe."
    Some ambiguous, deep meanings bottled in here...


  • darell
    August 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Enchantingly..

    breathtaking. your words describe love
    and romance in a very exquisite way.
    I could feel the softness of your emotions
    exploding into eloquent splendor.
    An enchantment of sentimental delight.
    Very nice writing.


  • rollingzen
    August 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    well done


  • ShaShay
    August 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Very noce metaphors and flow. I like the feel of it. Pen on...~Poo~

  • the sepia vitamin
    August 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    alright, I'm seriously not sure what else there is for me to say here. Because I'm just speechless at this, filled with warm fuzzies and a smile that won't leave my face. <33 Thank you so crazy much. Not surprisingly, this piece is definitely my favourite of yours, all-time (*giggles* since we were reading some of each other's earliest pieces yesterday... hahaha). I can't pick out my very favourite part, I don't have one particular favourite part because I love it all. And, wow, did you ever do amazingly with that joking prompt we'd come up with about stealing each other's sighs. I will have to see how I do with it.

    ily Marty. ♥ *huggles*
    (in the way it was intended, not whatever you used to think it meant ♥, hahaha)


  • Hadji Murad
    August 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Awwwwwwww, this is absolutely amazing and precious! Christina is indeed such a wonderful person, and this is a tremendous tribute to her. I agree with Chase, the rumor image is incredible. Your language here is so serene and touching. Your words have certainly done brilliant justice to a poet we all know and love.

  • the sepia vitamin
    August 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!
    <33333333333333333

    I think I'll have to sigh more often if you're inspired like this. *rereads because she just loves it so much*


    [alright, I'll finish commenting after lunch]

    [haha, I fixed my overenthusiastic AWWWWWWWW now so that it doesn't stretch the page to three times its original width, hahahaha]


  • blackday
    August 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    the rumor image made my thighs a little weak.

  • myagirl
    August 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    awww that is so beautiful! I was really touched


  • Kimmigirl
    August 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Lovely, I must say you portray your love for this special person greatly, could feel your emotions through your words.

    Great poem


  • Angelflower
    August 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh!!! this is really beautiful!!! It just sighs of love and friendship and just so much more!!! I'm amazed by the wonderful emotion in this.. the imagery was so detailed and vivid as well.. I'm almost struck speechless.. Bravo!!! I really enjoyed reading this!! thanks much for sharing


    Angel


  • lianonsidhe silver member
    August 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Ooh! This is magical!
    I love the lines:
    'I cut your shape and form
    from cloudy whispers;
    smoke ringlets curled
    like the left side
    of your figure'
    They felt like a haunting take on the childhood paper dolls thing. I also loved:
    'feet swung across the
    star-studded-sky where

    your eyes shone down'
    Serene yet ethereal, love in a deep place.
    Thank you so much for this.



  • Soft-Rain
    August 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This was so beautiful, clearly showing the emotion and care you have for this person in your life.

    Inspiring and gentle,

    head on shoulder
    you laid your sigh to rest;



    & it was my turn
    to breathe.


    Great ending,
    Hugs
    ~Lisa~


    • Age of Rain
      August 1, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you for taking the time to read this. It means alot!


  • Reptile Lady gold member
    August 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Beautiful, I love the whole poem from beginning to end.

    Captures a heart and the love and affection you have for Christina.

    Visual imagery is also apparent.

    Thank you for sharing this with me sweetie

    Auntie xx

     

    .


  • sideways hourglass
    August 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is different from the others i've read of yours, but this is good. simple ideas and images but it is just the right amount to get the message across. great stuff.

1 - 35 of 35