In the spring of my life’s seasons,
you were wandering
in that time of year
when the last few leaves
cling to the trees
and a gust of wind
is all it takes to carry them away.
And we watched it
carry you away
leaf by leaf.
And today we celebrate you,
your spring, and summer,
and wish you could celebrate with us.
We look back
and we hear the song
of birds learning to sing
in your spring
and we look back at your
autumn, and we hear
your swan song.
And it is your winter now.
The time of cold.
We remember your beautiful swan.
We remember
the warm days,
and we remember that one winter
is always followed by one spring,
and small birds
learning to sing.
And we wish that you could
hear them, too.
Author notes
My previous memorial poem was inappropriate. I hope this one is better. This is a poem that, if people say it's worthy, will be displayed in a PowerPoint celebrating the life of my grandfather. I know it is a little light on details. But I didn't know him too well, and it was written with love. Please offer constructive criticism.
Is the last stanza too repetitive, or is it nice?
Comments
-
awesome
this is much much! better
i really liked this :
"And we watched it
carry you away
leaf by leaf.
And today we celebrate you,
your spring, and summer,"
the one thing i would work on is the ending
its not bad its just not as impacting as it could be
with the end really try to hit me with your emotions and
the end of someone you loved. oo maybe try reworking the winter theme, you have in the end.that might be neat
the last thing i suggest is the title maybe His Last Season, or somewhere around there. but if your celebrating just his living life,then maybe its better not to pronounce the end to clearly.
hmm
but either way
thank you for sharing this,
- kas k bubbles
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