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Tequila Love

I drink down some tequila
It never tasted so sweet
Just like fresh, cold spring water
On a hot day in July
Slightly burns, but slides down smooth
My body can tolerate

Loved her like this tequila
Thou it burns, I take the pain
And it feels so good to want more

Sweat, beading off my warm brow
I stagger upon something
Cold, to the touch of bare feet
Scatter minded, I fall down

A knife from the dinner plate
Laying convieniantly
I raise it into the air
And examine my drunk soul
Through the reflective metal
Insanely smiles, form so swift
Half opened eyes, look away
I can't end tonight like this

Laying numb, still on my back
These walls they close, in on me
My heart never felt, so empty

Looking up at the ceiling
The chandelier shines so bright
My eyes can't bare the white light
Beams of illuminant hell
Scratching my eyes, so blinding
I want to tear this demon down

Reaching for the tequila
I build strength, and enough hope
For me to find, just enough rope

Knees bent, tequila swinging
Rope whirling, unleashed hell
Disturbing it's peace, It swings mad
I pull the rope tight with might
What's left of my drunk soul
The chandelier does not move
Too drunk to blow candles out
I need to use all my weight

To bring down this demonic

 

Proped on the coffee table
I wrap the rope around me
With the tequila in hand
Pulling knots tight with my teeth
Frays of rope pierce like needles
Insanely smiles, form so swift
Half opened eyes, look away
I can't end tonight like this

My lingering body floats
Feet scrambling frantically
The ceiling starts to crumble
The glass coffee table cracks
Chandelier drops to free fall
As I plunge into the glass

Laying amungst broken glass
A picture of her lays flat
Brushing shards off the picture
Heart filled smiles, they form so soft
Wide opened eyes, they tear up
I regret the mistakes made

Should have never said goodbye
But I can't change the past
The tequila set aside
I take a deep breath, and smile
I can end tonight like this

Author notes

<<< Contest - Blood And Murder by papercutangel86 >>>
Option 1.

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 17 of 17

  • Hetha gold member
    August 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This would be one of the reasons why I gave up tequila a very long time ago. She is dangerous to dance with, and you paint her quite well. Great job! Thank you for entering this into my contest.


  • Night Terrors
    August 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Hmmmmmm Now I really really loved this dispite the fact that I asked for no suicide. Now here's why I think its wonderful. You put your anguish into such a cold almost indiffrent way that it me relate to it. I love this it takes an extremely cliche topic, and turns it into a completely diffrent thing. I love this is all I can say. You got one hell of a gift. thanks for entering

    • Davidlee
      August 2, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I wrote this, in a way that I wanted to have the idea of suicide, but not directly throw it out there. There is motivation that keeps this piece sane .. but it does have a slight twist to it.

  • Sexyboi
    August 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    You have an obvious talent....your words and flow in this poem were impecable.....i absolutely loved this poem and my favorite lines in the poem are "Knees bent, tequila swinging
    Rope whirling, unleashed hell
    Disturbing it's peace, It swings mad
    I pull the rope tight with might
    What's left of my drunk soul
    The chandelier does not move
    Too drunk to blow candles out
    I need to use all my weight
    To bring down this demonic"


  • Beauty Of Silence
    August 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow wow wow!

    this new style is awesome! you write so well! this was such a heart-felt piece, it was filled so deeply with such sorrow! a very melancholy poem! i love the comparison you've made here... marvelloous!

    okay, i'm left speechless now, all i can say is this is mindblowing and i love the imagery, intense emotions and every other thing! you've weaved everything into this masterpiece perfectly! keep writing kays!

    I LOVED IT!

    • Davidlee
      August 1, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I just thought I'd throw something together .. do a little change in my writes ... i'm not sure when my next "free verse" will be .. ugh .. don't like even saying it .. but i'll try to make it a special one


  • HiddenByTheDark
    August 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow!! this is an amazing freewrite.. you did great [like always].. this is my favorite poem by you so far always keep penning

    ♥always Kate

    • Davidlee
      August 1, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      hehe .. this is now your new favorite? hmmm alright I'm working on a new write ... right now ... I wonder if you'll like it ...?? hehe penn penn penn Glad you enjoyed


  • Shydreamer3
    August 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Ok i can definetly relate to the beginning of this with the tequila. I loved this poem is amazing and as poetic obscenity below me said it made me speachless. Your writing is so great and you are so talented you never seize to amaze me. Keep up the wonderful work.

    • Davidlee
      August 1, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Aww thanks darlin' This piece was a challenge for me, I try to stay away from Free Verse as much as possible ... I'm not sure whether it's my style or not. However, the comments always bring smiles and encouragement to write more Thanks again, greatly appreciated!


  • Poetic Obscenity
    August 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    WOW

    This is utterly amazing and for the first few moments has left me speachless. However, now i know fully what to say. It's a gorgeous piece full of hard raw emotion. I like the repition of "I can't end tonight like this" It makes it wonderful. The altered repition at the end it a perfect and flawless ending to tell you the truth. You've told a very sad but relatable story here. (As you always seem to do)
    Lost love can kill us all. Inside and out. It's just those few who give everything to their partners that end up like this. sadly you're one of those great guys that i can imagine being the perfect boyfriend to a girl who is very undeserving. -nod nod-

    Amazing piece. Wonderful Story. Great writer. Sweet talent.



    ~IvoRy

  • Poetic Obscenity
    August 1, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    WOW

    This is utterly amazing and for the first few moments has left me speachless. However, now i know fully what to say. It's a gorgeous piece full of hard raw emotion. I like the repition of "I can't end tonight like this" It makes it wonderful. The altered repition at the end it a perfect and flawless ending to tell you the truth. You've told a very sad but relatable story here. (As you always seem to do)
    Lost love can kill us all. Inside and out. It's just those few who give everything to their partners that end up like this. sadly you're one of those great guys that i can imagine being the perfect boyfriend to a girl who is very undeserving. -nod nod-

    Amazing piece. Wonderful Story. Great writer. Sweet talent.



    ~IvoRy

    • Davidlee
      August 1, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks a bunch doll I tried to write a new style of writing here ... pretty much "Free Style" which I never use, ever. Glad you were speachless for a few moments, I did not expect that. Thanks again, your comment puts a smile on my face

1 - 17 of 17