Not my day,
not my week.
Such pretty little lies you speak.
Broken promises,
broken heart.
This is our relationship; falling apart.
Silent sobs,
silent screams.
This was never in my dreams.
Do you care?
Can't you see?
I whisper.
"Oh,
please.
Don't forget me."
Author notes
Going through a lot of things at the moment. The poem speaks of how much I feel forgotten at the moment.
A contest entry
- Trying Hard Not To Fall or ... Love is Falling apart by piccola.
600 points, ended September 19, 2008, 17 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
How does my poem make you react?
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I like the rhyme scheme. The write is filled with emotion and feeling. Sorry you're going through so much right now. Thank you for entering.
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"pretty little lies" and "silent screams" excellent expression. This one really speaks. It's very simple, but so bold and elegant. I really love the rhythm too. Great piece! Very emotional and relatable. I hope things get better quickly!
-Odyssey
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"pretty little lies". I agree, lies can be so captivating and attractive. It's awful to think thay you can never get through something like this experience. But you will.
Cheers
jjj
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it's hard to be in a relationship that ended up broken and forgotten..sometimes love is unforgivable for putting down such a big burden on us..the further you sink the harder is to be able to get out..once everything is over it's hard to push yourself up again..afraid to get hurt for the second time in the process..i'm sorry that you've going through this now..just don't let it held you back for it's not worth the effort to lingering onto it for you're only hurt yourself...
Lieu
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Really liked the opening couplet - how so many of us can easily relate to this when we feel the whole cosmos is conspiring against us.Interesting and appropriate use of rhyme, so often it's used in a trite fashion, but not at all here, it definitely fits.Good use of rhetorical questions to connote the confusion of the poetic voice appropriately. This is an imaginatively structured piece, searingly honest in its intensity and openness of emotion, I hope writing it was a cathartic experience and that things will improve for you. I liked this, thanks for sharing.
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i like it....i need mending in my marraige!!!!!!
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