You had to be there.

It starts, the underlying beat,
Noah’s scream,
Scream,
Scream,
Scream,
Shhh, baby mum says, shhhh,
Rest your head,
He comes in,
“Liz?
“What the fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking fucking hell?”
“Sorry Mark…but the kids…blah blah blah…”

Scream.

“Stupid woman, we should fucking split up.”
“Well…how do you feel?” She’s crying.

I’m choking in her tears.

Scream.

“This family’s shit.” He says
“This family’s shit.” She says
“This family’s shit.” He says
“I feel dead.” He adds.

Scream.

Silence. Cut very short.

“What, you want to kill yourself?”
“Sometimes.”
“Join the club.”

A stab of pain,
Runs through me,
I’m dying inside,
Can’t they see?
Mum wants to kill herself,
He does too,
Our family is shit,
Tell me something new,
Tears flood down my face,
As I crouch at the bottom of the stairs,
Curled up,
Not moving – I wouldn’t dare.
This is how it is,
Every night every day,
Then comes the screams,
“If you do that again – you’ll pay!”
And she does,
We see her later on,
Black and blue,
We ask – what’s wrong?
Nothing dears,
Nothing, really,
The underlying beat,
The underlying tension,
A baby screaming in the dark,
He gets no mention,
No-one takes notice of him,
He just reflects what we already know,
Already the bruises are beginning to show,
On him,
The background singers,
Getting louder and louder,
“Split up, split up.”
No, they won’t.
They both want to,
Get away,
But they wouldn’t cope,
Not enough money for a day.
So there,
I’ve scratched the surface,
I’ve thumped some of my anger out,
My wavering anger,
That makes me scream and shout,
I can’t contain it in a beat or rhyme,
So I just write it,
To fill the time,
It’s just a jumble of letters,
Trying to express a manic scene,
Where screams are like a canon,
All at the same time.
Basically, it’s like a bad joke.
You had to be there.