I'll still feel the burning of Failure long after I'm dead in the grave.
I know the stabs of Perfection which cause my will to decay.
And if the darkness of Fear will defeat my gain,then you may as well kill me while some hopes still remain.
Beneath my veneer of compassion cowers a suffering soul,and in my heart a burning anger slowly taking its toll.
I feel the pale chill of Death as he suffocates the light,through the pieces of panic from losing my life.
Below the surface of my anger lies a festering fear,fed by the resonating hate from every word that I hear.
You bled me dry until I had nothing left,
so now I wait for this nightmare to end, I wait for the sweet embrace of Death.
Author notes
SUICIDE MISSION
A contest entry
- Suicide Notes by XXxXBassMeisterxXxX.
450 points, ended August 2, 2008, 14 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Cutters, Bleeders & Blood covered chocolate by Devilish Temptation.
600 points, ended August 10, 2008, 17 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Pain..... by takenfromgrace.
600 points, ended August 26, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anorexia, Bullimic, Self harm? State your feelings! by Lsh-x.
475 points, ended October 2, 2008, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - TEARS OF ANGER & GUILT SWALLOWING OUR SOULS...enter if you dare.... by ears2hearyou.
900 points, ended November 29, 2008, 39 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Swift and Painful. by miss keara.
750 points, ended December 21, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
what do you like or not like about it?
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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Powerful write, bold was the imagery!
hate does resonate doesn't it... that was a line we haven't
read yet in a poem submitted..described in detail....but not said, yet.
WEll done!
Hate is much stronger then perhaps we give it credit for..
for all have described it metaphorically as
a remnant of fog or air that breathes or bleeds us alive
and whole.
Thank goodness for poetry, it is a way i bleed it out of
me whole too!
ears/Seattle
lest it's claws drain and remain.
Writing is a great way to ease it all out.
well done!
smartly written too, flawless.
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"I feel the pale chill of Death as he suffocates the light,through the pieces of panic from losing my life."
Can identify with this outlook, only too well!but for me more from nightmares; ones where i fear i'll never wake up and escape from it.
bravo on this write; and best wishes in the contest. -
Such a powerful write. Keep up the awesome work, it was so strong. I wish you the best of luck in my contest. i really liked the lines:
"Below the surface of my anger lies a festering fear,fed by the resonating hate from every word that I hear.
You bled me dry until I had nothing left,
so now I wait for this nightmare to end, I wait for the sweet embrace of Death."
*~*bee*~*
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i have to say that this has a strong connection with me the emotions are very strong and real
best of luck
--kat -
I love it although, stanzas, instead of sentences!!!!
This piece is touching and the way you described the real suffering of that persons soul.
Thanks for entering, good luck in the contest
Laura-Stone-Heart-x -
nice, it's good.
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I do like this, though it would help if you broke it down into stanzas, instead of sentences.
"Beneath my veneer of compassion cowers a suffering soul..." Brilliant! I love the personification here!
Thank you for entering.
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wow filled with emotion Intense and superb well done and thankx for entering and good luck
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i have felt these emotions run through me time and time again, & i'm sorry you've had to feel the same because it can definitely suck.
but i loved the emotion from this.
it was pretty much just leaping out at me.
thanks so much for entering & good luck -
I liked this peice very much so. You bled me dry until I had nothing left,
so now I wait for this nightmare to end, I wait for the sweet embrace of Death.
By far the best stanzaa. I don't know if you were trying to stay with the couplets or just didn't want to start a new line, but the last line was a little long and it seemed like there should just be a new line started... just an opinion. It is fine the way it is but i was just suggesting. I don't mean to be rude. It is just the way I see it. It might seem more powerful with that. Okay this is a really long comment so I am going to shut up now.
Peace.
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