Clouds are the song
of the winding road,
that leads
to the orange lit sun,
that burns the grass
that fought so hard
to rise up out of
the sweet smelling dirt,
that warms my face
when I fall
to the ground.
Slow beats of my heart,
turning in circles,
soft blue swishes
on the pale floor
to the melody
of the clouds.
Blue envelopes
my fears
with the crash
of the waves,
pounding at the door
of soft rock
that leads to the green
and wild daisies that smile
at the orange-yellow sun
through breaks
of the wispy clouds,
making faces
at the window
of my road.
Author notes
Very personal to me, don't know if anyone will know what it means, but I love it.
3] Talk to me about a thing in nature. Uno. One. A tree. A fish. A lune. Preach to me its wonders and beauties. It could be a microbe or a mountain. Just make it tangible though invisible.
A contest entry
- GET YOUR POEMS OUT THERE by Ken-Maverick.
450 points, ended August 17, 2008, 32 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Almost Anything by poets whisper.
550 points, ended November 11, 2008, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - round one (for everyone) prewrite contest ENTER ENTER ENTER (AND YES THAT MEAN'S YOU too by serenity silvermoon.
927 points, ended February 16, 1509 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What do you think? How can I improve? What was your least favorite part? Your favorite?
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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Hi - thanks for entering my contest - I enjoyed this. Best of luck!
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Such beautiful imagery...you paint a picture of nature that brings the reader in with comfort...nicely done...
thank you for sharing.
mystic -
Beautiful imagery and thoughts in this.
I really enjoyed reading
Thanks for entering & best of luck
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Thanks for entering my contest and being patient with me.
Nice description. But the title is a bit confusing. Did you mean Cloud's Song, like Song of the Cloud, or did you mean Clouds' Song, its plural possessive? -
wow how pretty a pic this paints
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Aww this was such a lovely write.
Loved your beautiful imagery & thoughts.
thanks for sharing -
nice write
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I love the struggle and the strength that is in this piece. Thank you for entering the contest, good luck.
♥
whisper
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nice write
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Beautiful imagery... can't see how you didn't get more trophies. Love it love it love it.
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Loved it. . .
loved every minute of it. Great write, I just really liked your style and the tone. I could tell by reading it that it was a personal moment and I really really enjoyed reading it. Thank you for entering it.
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Flowing rainbow
Very cool, flows visually and verbally...feels light which is right in line with the poem..great colours!!!
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amazing descriptions, awesome poem!
wow, you give great imagery! I especially liked "Blue envelopes
my fears
with the crash
of the waves,
pounding at the door
of soft rock
that leads to the green
and wild daisies that smile
at the orange-yellow sun
through breaks
of the wispy clouds,
making faces
at the window
of my road." (entire last stanza)
my favorite imagery is there, but just a small suggestion:
that is a very long sentence. maybe you could split it into two! =D
I loved this poem a whole bunch!
great work! luv yaz!
- pb fudge -
i. love. this.
absolutely beautiful imagery. your way of describing everything just makes my heart smile and my soul just want to burst into sunbeams of radiant joy.
this is an absolutely wonderful write. i love love love it. that's three loves. not even a less than 3 loves. not even <3. or<333 ... it's even better than that lol.
sorry. i'm rambling.
the only thing u could possibly do to improve this to me is to give me more. and it's not that it's even necessary. just that... i only wish my drug-free happy-high could have lasted longer from this pieces beauty.
thank you so much for this wonderful entry. best wishes and best of luck
<4 -
cool
The stanzers are well organized and vivid,thanks for entering. -
Wow! what lovely imagery, it is so multi-layered and tangible. Thank you for your entry in my contest.
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Well done! Such descriptive imagery! Please keep writing about nature, you have a real gift for it! Thank you for entering, and good luck!
~Cj
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well i don't know if it has a deeper meaning, because i can't figure it out ! all i can tell is that clouds are like your sanctuary, possibly, and it helps you forget about everything. that's what i kind of took it as...
and i'm guessing that watching clouds makes you happy ? lol it is quite peaceful... good luck and thanks for entering !
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