How can I

Thoughts and ideas come to me, I get them here and there
I try to confide in hope, but I don't go anywhere
Perahps if I didn't care. Perhaps if I could just let go
I'm so empty and so filled, by things I do not know
I look to love to fix me, that's left me used and ripped apart
I look for ways to hang on, but don't know where to start
How can I look to God, when he took away my friend
How can I go on, when I want my life to end
I used to use and drink, to numb me from my pains
Sleep with people without names, and drag blades across my veins
But those decisions didn't help, they didn't get me far
Jail reget and pain, trapped behind a bar
A totaled car and heart, and I'm too young to even buy
Cutting my own flesh, and bleeding myself to sleep while I cry
Scars were well and good, but the last one was to deep
Down to the bone, a regret that's mine to keep
Perhaps my ways of coping, really arnt so clever
So maybe ill be helped, by someone who knows better
So I leave the question to the powers, the powers that may be
How can I be happy. When I'm not happy being me?