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Poetic Passion (Pantoum)


Come and dance the night away,
let poetic rapture sing;
two eyes spark passion's soulful sway
our minds take breathy wing.

 

Let poetic rapture sing
to soar amongst the clouds;
our minds take breathy wing
upon midnight's icy shrouds.

 

To soar amongst the clouds
where hands enclose delight,

upon midnight's icy shrouds-
let us beckon forth twilight.

 

 

Where hands enclose delight

two eyes spark passion's soulful sway;

let us beckon forth twilight,

come and dance the night away...

 

Author notes

So this is sort of Prompt One and Two combined. I hope you like it

(And any criticism you have, please lay them on the table. It is always good to find ways to improve one's poetry.)

In a list

A contest entry

Critical Critique Desired.

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • Peteskid gold member
    August 22, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    a pantum form and so very well done to bring the rhythm to the well conceived rhymes; which add to the flow of the overall poem quite well. Good use of poetic devices to bring flow and the softer sounds work very well too. Thank you for this fine entry into the contest and best of luck in the judging...PK

  • piccola silver member
    August 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    sigh. I know nothing about this form but I know I love this poem. The words and idea are fantastic and I adore it. Thank you so much for entering. I might like to try the form when I feel brave.


  • Suzianne
    August 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Lovely pantoum

    I really like this poem, but I do not see a connection to a season. Perhaps the addition of one more stanza could help this meet the criteria of the contest.


  • Skybow silver member
    August 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    What beautiful images you are spinning with this flight of your fancy. Good luck in the contest but by writing this you've already won something.


  • Soft-Rain
    July 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Amazing!

    My word for the day "Pantoum"!
    Because this is just so whimsical and beautiful!
    I loved every line each had a sweetness of their own!

    Hugs
    ~Lisa~

  • the sepia vitamin
    July 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very graceful piece here, Marty. Even though it has rhyme and repetition (both things that I usually don't enjoy, because they usually aren't well done), I did actually enjoy this. I don't know anything more about pantoums than I can figure out from your piece itself, but whatever. This is pretty. *hugs*


  • OnceUponAMind silver member
    July 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh I just love this - what is the form if you don't mind?????
    I remember learning this in my poetry class where you copy lines and add on...

    Great write dear All my best in the contest!

    Amber


    • Age of Rain
      July 31, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      It is a Pantoum. They are not too difficult to write, I hope to read one of yours someday!

  • ecrivain01
    July 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Good job.

    I'm impressed. You must have been typing 140 words a minute to do it that fast.

1 - 9 of 9