I don't hear
from you anymore.
even your voice
is not remembered
right in my head,
disconnected from
the rest of
our bodies.
you are not that
small child
with wild stringy
hair and thorn-pinched
skin beginning
to fester.
and we are not
the two girls
who threw rocks
at passing trains,
laying on the
tracks to feel
its vibrations.
we are separate-
stretched so far
that not even the
tips of our
fingers mush together
like the red clay
we'd play with in
the summer.
our knees are
not so knobby
anymore, and they
don't graze when
we face each other
through another
clear wall.
most of the
time I don't
know you at all
as you call
me names I've
never heard before.
"you knew I
was a whore"
you'd say smugly,
and I'd get up to
leave again
like every other
time.
I'd flip my
wrist under
my chin and
wave, our secret
way of saying
goodbye. sometimes
you'd smile with
your eyes and we'd
touch.
just a brush
of recognized
sisterhood.
but then I'd
blink and you'd
scream "don't
ever fucking
come back!"
Author notes
it sucks. it really, honestly does.
and I'm not talking about the poem...though it could use some work. 
In a list
A contest entry
- disassembled, by the atlantic.
1000 points, ended August 14, 2008, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Any advice is welcome
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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LOL, you had me there for a seconed in your author's notes. I was like, "how could she really think that badly of this massapiece?!"
I agree with apples fell; this is really strong and just plain amazing. Your personal writes are always my favorites, as something comes out of you that's just so emotional and screams to be heard. Lol anyhoo, this was amazing dear. I wish I could give more clappies for that ending 
Jeanette*~
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"you knew I
was a whore"
you'd say smugly,
and I'd get up to
leave again
like every other
time.
i like the conversational parts in this, makes me want to visualize what is taking place. I think in the above stanza I'd leave the 'to' out I think it reads stronger
as
and I'd get up
leave again
like every other time
Situations like these are never easy and the difficult part is to stay true to yourself instead of what the other person wants. If you can do that, you have a chance to find the right path.
C
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Oh man, I felt this. I felt the sting at the end. I know that sting. This is great, really, really great.. I'm glad I stopped by to read this.
-joan.
.
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thank you.
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You are so welcome zillion. I love your poetry. As a new member, I'm glad I was recommended to read your talent.
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mmmm there are so many parts of this that i love, amazingly crafted. thanks for entering
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Great piece! I cannot believe that an 18 year old will be able to construct this contemporary and beautiful piece.
I agree, you have created a very good work.
Keep sharing your gift.
HENSLEY
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This is too good for this site.
It belongs in a book. I think this
is one of the strongest poems I have
read by you or anyone. It all connects
and sort of falls into place. You don't
go on and on and you don't try really
hard to explain yourself, the message
is it's own and that is the idea of
poetry, I think. Change nothing.
Really good, No critiques.
;
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wow, thanks....I don't really know what else to say to that comment. lol Thanks for sending me the link. There is some amazing poetry there by great poets. I'm honored to be listed with them.
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You are welcome. You don't have to say anything.
The pleasure was mine. The list is an ongoing thing, but yeah, you are most welcome there.
;
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breathing deeply. this moved me.
i could feel it all. love, lane
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to be honest, as i was going through this poem, i couldn't believe a brilliant poet like yourself would ever spew forth a cheesy "oh-for-the-good-old-days" write.
and then came the ending.
don't change anything.
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lol, your honesty cracks me up. When I was proof reading this, I got done and thought "shit, this sounds like a soap opera". But it was one of those few and far between 'personal' poems, so what was I to do? Thanks.
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Wow. Wonderful, as always. You're being modest. I love your way of narrating events but still leaving things up to interpretation. This poem is very intense. The opening and the ending speak to me in particular...
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Thanks so much
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and we are not
the two girls
who threw rocks
at passing trains,
laying on the
tracks to feel
its vibrations.
that was gorgeous imagery and just...i could feel it. also,
most of the
time I don't
know you at all
as you call
me names I've
never heard before.
"you knew I
was a whore"
you'd say smugly,
and I'd get up to
leave again
like every other
time.
I'd flip my
wrist under
my chin and
wave, our secret
way of saying
goodbye. sometimes
you'd smile with
your eyes and we'd
touch.
just a brush
of recognized
sisterhood.
but then I'd
blink and you'd
scream "don't
ever fucking
come back!"
the end nearly broke my heart
so good job, jeez.
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thanks. It's such a personal poem and I was worried about how it would come out.
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