Will someone save me from this place?
I search for a source of release—
A light, a door, an angel’s face
But this agony shall never cease.
I’d look to the stars to guide me,
But they are shrouded in an unpierceable mist
I dream that the light shall find me,
But I am, instead, veiled by darkness.
No stars, no rain, no angel’s wings
I fear I’ve no good to gain
The shadows whisper, the razorblades sing—
I am left with nothing but pain.
Author notes
Hmm. "Unpierceable" apparently isn't a word, according to Microsoft...oh well. Now it is!
Well, as my preview said, this poem is about feeling hopeless and imprisoned.
If you believe there's any other "hidden meaning", or whatever you interpret it as, speak up! I'd love to hear your opinions.
Whaddya think?
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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*huggles my loverly*
(that was my first impression)
"I fear I've no good to gain."
that line just...sounds weird? gah uhm... I had to stop and re-read it cause it just didn't fit.
yea...
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Hmmm yeah i know that line was kinda weirdish but... I still like it. Blah.
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A Cage without a Key. Great title. The write could be either physical or mental imprisonment. I like the repetition of certain images like the stars and the angel's wings.
"razorblades sing" -- very striking.
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Wowww.
AMAZING. I absolutely loved this poem. And your use of words was incredible. Beautifully penned, love.
-I’d look to the stars to guide me,
But they are shrouded in an unpierceable mist
I dream that the light shall find me,
But I am, instead, veiled by darkness.
...
I think that was my favorite part. You wrote it so flawlessly. Keep it up, dearest
♥
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Thank you ^_^ That part actually was the hardest to write... I had trouble keeping the "beat" of the poem, so I had to constantly switch around words until it suited me enough. But yeah, thanks ^_^
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Hello
You have some mighty fine lines penned here young Lady.....you have a Powerful soul which speaks loud and clear....God bless you!
Bear ~
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Ooh.... a hidding meaning......
I know!
Wait, no.....
Maybe-! no.....
IDK my BFF Rose.
Great poem.
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well i'm not sure about a hidden meaning but i do know that this pin pricks lost hope (i would know).
absolutly greaT poem!!
haha i like your new word
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The mesage here is strong and there is much depth to your words that forces your readers to think, which is always a good thing. The rhythm and rhyme in stanzas 1 & 3 is very good indeed, yet stanza 2 would benefit greatly from a little tweak here and there. I have some suggestions:
"I’d look to the stars to guide me,
But they are shrouded in an unpierceable mist
I dream that the light shall find me,
But I am, instead, veiled by darkness."
to
"I’d look to the stars to guide me,
Shrouded in unpenetrable mist
I dream that the light shall find me,
Cloaked by obscurity's evil twist."
Overall, a very good piece.
Just Me
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Thanks for the nice review and advice! Wow, your suggestion was very good...I'll think into it.
Yeah, while writing stanza 2, I did have a bit of trouble with the rhyming...my result was the best I could do in that moment. My head had been a bit foggy! *chuckles* But yes, again, thanks. I appreciate it
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Such a deep piece, so emotional!
I really like it! Good work! -
I ENVY YOUR WRITING
Your words spill out as though memorised form a passage in a book. I wish I could let the feelings flow through my words as easily as you can. I love all your writings, and I really feel that you mean more than what is shown, but it takes time to think on it. But the point is, yes, I love it.
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"The shadows whisper, the razorblades sing-" I love that line. A very dense poem. (That's a compliment) Great write.
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