The Rising Army
A neigh
echoes through the sky
and across the seas...
The Clouds disperse,
the stars' glimmer fades,
the Thunder roars
and the Waves begin to rise,
crashing angrily on the rocks.
The mortals begin to walk away
anticipating a storm.
A Star begins to shine distinctly
in the darkening, troubled sky.
The waves rise higher...
Another echoing neigh...
The Star sparkles and grows,
as if falling...
Upon the rising waves
pearly specks appear,
though not for long;
yet with every rising wave,
they emerge from the black sea,
like a thread of hope,
a happy dream amidst the darkness..
Another neigh
- much louder than all before-
The single shining Night Star
shines in full power,
illuminating the sky;
A sight of beauty, never before seen,
A sight of awe and foreboding!
The pearly specks on the waves
begin to rise too.
More neighs are heard across the sea,
an army of pearls?
NO!
The Star falls,
NO!
But soars the sky,
Landing with heavy hooves on the sand,
A Unicorn with magnificent wings!
The Pearl Army
lands too on the sand;
an army of Unicorns!
A sight of fatally destructive beauty,
An army of strength and power unsurpassed!
Night Star stands at the head,
the Commander of such a wondrous fleet..
Another neigh,
the army follows suit.
And though unseen by mortal eyes
their presence is felt,
power and strength
run in the veins of the wind!
The sea does not calm,
and the Thunder continues to roar..
The Army has come,
the battle will soon begin!
by: Nada Adel Sobhi
Author notes
i typed it on AP so if there r any typos let me know
A contest entry
- Fantasy plus options!! by Lorien.
572 points, ended August 25, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your Choice... by my02U.
550 points, ended November 16, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - For my friends.. prewrites needed by Riftkin.
575 points, ended April 17, 49 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites Contest by tears.of.silence.
1000 points, ended April 18, 407 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites :) Yes, as many as you like, but hell this wont be simple. by xxRainbowDawnxx.
700 points, ended November 3, 1103 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
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Nooni, I liked this! The image of the army emerging from the sea is absolutely wonderful! It reminded me of a myth in which some hero (Jason, perhaps) sowed dragon seed and the crop was an army of armed men!
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Fantastic!!!
It seems you have great patronage for fantasy esp. unicorn. Anyways, a great description of the event. The beauty of expression has given the real taste to this piece. Widely appreciated and enjoyed. Keep up the good work.
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very creative and great imagery. the detail makes the poem seem so real.
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Amazing...like a poetic journalist watching it as they write what they see before them...the detail and the imagery jumps off the page...a lovely and exciting tale.
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very unique. quiet creative. you've received 3 points which brings your pointsup to 42. thanks for entering and best of luck to you. kahy
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I enjoyed this poem of yours..
and want to wish you the best
with it in my contest.
As your words have proven to be
worthy of reading by me and all others.
Riftkin
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My most fave part was this: "Another neigh
- much louder than all before-
The single shining Night Star
shines in full power,
illuminating the sky;
A sight of beauty, never before seen,
A sight of awe and foreboding!"
Stunning piece here! I loved this one a lot! Keep up the great work! -
You can be so powerful in imagination! i never realized that before. your imagery is very good indeed. I like the suggestive touches in the poem. great, hun, great.
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i have been gone from here for quite some time and forgot why you are one of the writers i enjoy reading the most. you have just reminded me. thank you for sharing this with me today and i can't wait to read more from you soon. viyanna rosemarie
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Very interesting. The poem seems apocolyptic. In this respect it reminds me of the biblical Revelations. Nicely done.
Mike -
Enchanting
The imagry that you create here is spectacular, it has an almost spiritual feel, a little like the chronicles of narnia. Maybe not your intent, but an added sumptuous dimension to a most magical piece of creative delight
Thanks for sharing
littlefishone
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Such a visual and magical verse! The images came to life so vividly in this poem. Best of luck to you!!!
Az
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I'm pretty sure a unicorn with wings is called a Pegasus...but I could be wrong. Awesome poem, btw.
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TAn army of them at that.This is beautiful.I love the way that you wrote it.The beauty of the unicorn must truely be breathtaking.An army of them at that.The imagry in this is fantastic.You are very talanted at writing never give it up.Good luck on the contest.
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I don't see any typos... So no worries there!
I think this was a rather MYSTICAL penning job. I loved it! In the beginning, I was wondering what kind of army this was..... then bam! figured out the unicorns, just in time for you to tell me.
I love the VIVID IMAGERY you've strategically placed into the poem. Excellent job.
I also like how you capitalized certain words throughout the poem. I don't know if it was on accident or on purpose, but kudos to you. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this one... thank you for sharing it with us here.
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bravo
Oops! as you can see I already commented upon this fine poem...and, yes, I still love it! A nice and rapid flow of words throughout this wonderful narritive poem! I liked this poem a ton! bravo... bravo... -
awesome
I think it's really cool
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Good except I have to agree with Woodchuck4400. I don't think cackle is the right word for thunder. Personally when I think cackle i think unpleasant or some sharp short noise repeated annoyingly. But anyways, other than that I liked it
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Oops. Sorry. I forgot the three smiling reindeer.
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I enjoyed the imagery in the poem. For the most part it was strong and bold. The only critical comment I have is on the use of the word cackle, it seems to lessen the impact of the poem. I associate the work with the noise made by a flock of birds or and old crone. I would suggest the thunder booms, or an equivalent.
Overall, very good.
Mike -
The Clouds disperse,
the stars' glimmer fades,
the Thunder cackles
and the waves begin to rise,
crashing angrily on the rocks.
i love this stanza!
one question: why are Clouds and Thunder capitalized but not stars or waves? -
i didn't see any type-o's, and it was really good. i liked it alot. the description was good with alot of depth. A nice, pleasant read!
Emma
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Wow!
I haven't read any of your stuff in SO long! I have really been missing out bc this is the BEST poem I have ever read from you! This is REALLY good!!!! I'm really in love with this poem. Good job girl!
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p.s. upo should read upon..and i'm not sure what drea us supposed to be read as....
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there are so many battles in a war..the first one isusually one of the more intense ones..hopefully the star won't burn out before its too late...like the unicorn....good imagery..
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Amazing
Awesome job as usual great work thank you for entering
it means a bunch
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Outstanding
This is a great fantasy poem with some vivid images. I loved the unicorns representing purity and truth and everything they're fighting for. This is the kind of poem I remember you for writing- full of depth and vision. I liked the angry storm in the background of this poem and thought it worked very well. Best of luck in the contest.
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bravo
Ah, high fantasy, indeed! An army of unicorns, not much could be more fantastical for certain! Very deftly done! bravo... bravo... bravo...
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