Cold hard steel enamel bites,
bathed in saline rivulets
cascading down flushed flesh
hot with inner torment surfacing:
molten soul-lava;
tempted to twist into eternity
like a thin cotton sheet
torn from the laundry line of Life.
Seconds measure out the pain;
balanced on the fulcrum of an anguished mouth,
trigger finger judge and jury await
the verdict of the foreman;
hot air gasping in the cranial courtroom,
neurocells flashing to capture the head-line,
the echoing pardon:
Not Guilty!
A moment never to forget
converts before sunken eyes,
like a sail in the wind unfurled,
as with each turning of the world:
from a blood red sunset
to an auburn sunrise.
Author notes
Option 5, with a form I naturally fall into, that being an unrhymed unredempted portion followed by a rhymed redemptive conclusion. Don't think it is an invented form, just one I've always used because it seems right to me, and symbolic in that form follows content/theme. Glad you are still here!
A contest entry
- FIVE YEAR AP ANNIVERSARY BASH!!!! by Auburn Sunrise.
5000 points, ended August 15, 2008, 39 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
-
This was more than I can describe to be great. Are all your works like this!? I may have to investigate that. ^.^
This is one of my favorite entries into this contest that I have read thus far. Your word choices and usage are seamless, and with every line you had my undivided attention. And don't forget - the ending is awesome. ^-^
This was amazing. Good luck in the contest (though I'm sure you won't need it)!
--Flare
o}--{=======>
-
-
Thank you so much for you encouragement! I am flattered. You will have to judge for yourself on your question...hope you will!
-
-
I have to say - I am truly impressed!
Did you actually read some of my poems? Because some of this echoes the themes of some of my best poems. If you didn't, you have incredible insight into what makes me tick
Your descriptions were...incredible, to say the least. I can't think of a decent word or phrase to explain them, so I'm just going to stick with "incredible" and "awe-inspiring".
You had me on the edge of my seat... it was so intense - nail-biting suspense. I was actually holding my breath the entire way through the second stanza until I got close to the end and sighed with a feeling of relief. Then I realized you were recounting my near-suicide and it really hit me.
For the first time, it really hit me.
Maybe it's just the meds talking (I have a kidney infection, so I'm on some heavy pain killers and antibiotics) - but this is one powerful write. It changed some things for me. Maybe viewing suicide attempts from an outsider's persective is just what the doctor ordered.
I seriously can't pick out a favorite part. I love the opening, the middle, and the end... especially that hope at the end.
Thanks for this. I needed it. It's sort of like a slap in the face but then a push into the light at the same time. 
EXCELLENT ENTRY!!! MY FAVORITE SO FAR!!!
You are going to finalist list and straight to my favorites.
-
-
AWESOME!!!
I couldn't have hoped for a better reaction to this, and as I was writing this, I felt I was guided by a higher power and am so glad this worked to enlighten you on the event and perhaps put it in a perspective that will allow you to never repeat it! Thank you so much for your generous and kind reply! I'm totally stoked! This goes beyond the written page and moves into reality, which is the most any writer could hope for! -
-
I believe I was more surprised than you. I'm hoping for the same results. Anyway, great work.
I will check out your band sometime. I'm very interested.
-
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 5 of 5
