The night before you came I was trapped in Cuba
with waves like ghosts rearing up from behind buildings.
I rode the bus to you, hearing Rilke talk of angels
and the death of young lovers.
And I thought that getting to you meant more
than the gathering clouds.
Would we be happier if I were a yellow gingko leaf
and you a red maple?
If we could spend all day taunting cats
and pulling 2×4s out of dumpsters.
If I were a bear on fire escapes in the sun
and you were an indecent porpoise
shelled in Scrabble tiles.
But I’m feeding a hollow leg
that never fills up,
and you can only eat Bibles for so long
before I’ll have to ask you to stop.
You’ll be angry at me for valuing paper
more than flakes of gold
in bottles of liquor.
More than the rain in the alley.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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You know I love this poem. Particularly the original, which you can't change
*smug grin*
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Interesting write makes you think I enjoyed it great job keep writing.
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wonderful piece, a unique voice here the flow is spot on and the metaphor is just wow superb poetry beyond any doubt of the imagination
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great work! i love the last section.
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Superb plus
Most unique, indeed. I really enjoyed the flow of this write. The imagery is incredible. Thanks for sharing this one with us. -
I love poetry like this - although I do wish I could glean more meaning from it
I really love the imagery you've created as well as the metaphors you've used (ie hollow leg). Speaking of this section of the poem, actually, I don't think it's necessary to have the next line; "that never fills up". The hollow leg metaphor is enough to get the meaning across, and the next line just makes it sort of redundant. Of course, this might change the flow of the poem in your head, so... not sure if you could take it out or replace it with something else.
I also really enjoyed the title of this piece.
All in all, excellent work, and keep it up! Thanks for sharing this.
/jannin -
so gorgeous and secret. it's like a string of whispers meant for one person.. i really enjoyed this and the imagery it created.
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