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filling him



i try to rest
but i can feel the sky
break apart.

like the storm clouds
i am heavy and determined
to empty myself
onto the earth of you.

















Author notes

critques welcomed.
peace to all ~flight

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • Tangled Angle
    August 1, 2008

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    you are the queen of simplistic images. in this poem, less is definitely more. awesome stuff.

    ps. don't capitalize the i's.


    • flight
      August 2, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      aaha, i wasn't about to

      thanks for the compliments.
      peace to all ~flight


  • Salt Walker
    July 30, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    once again simply and beautifully put. I would just capatalize the I's.
    Salt


  • Age of Rain
    July 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Brief, but certainly no less for it. I loved the powerful emotion you evoked. I would suggest capitalizing 'Earth' so as to suggest that he is the entire Earth and not just he soil. Just a thought. Really well done!


  • zochit2me gold member
    July 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This says so much in so few words...
    I absolutely love that ending...
    How I wish it could be that simple.

    ☼Becky☼


  • SurelyWritten
    July 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oooh, I like this. I confess it's been a while since I've read anything from you, but the picture of this is perfect. Tyler is sure to like it.

    Good luck,
    Shirley

1 - 6 of 6