Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Asleep on the Street

There he lay
sleeping bag rumpling
around his extremities
food bits
stolen by squirrels.
Asleep;
or dead
hardly a concern
the world is busy
after all
who would notice
a man asleep
on the street
maybe some,
but they would only
Stop.
Stare.

Author notes

I wanted to leave a feeling of sadness, did I do this for you? Be honest, please, this is how we learn.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 11 of 11

  • Sunkissed xo
    November 11, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The things that struck me most about this poem were its simplicity and the fact that it was so poignant. you write with such feeling and spirit; this poem really leaves readers with so much to think about in our lives and the society in which we live! this is an excellent write; best of luck in the contest, thanks for entering!

    peace ♥


  • Chocoholic156
    September 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like this a lot, the feelings you leave us with are sadness, which is real. The imagery is magnificent. I think you did a wonderful job expressing your feelings on this subject. You are a wonderful writer.

  • piccola silver member
    August 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    the sad part is they might not even stop. They certainly would not look him in the eye if he were awake. The homeless situation in this country is appalling. My son who is 40 now was homeless in San Francisco. He chose to sleep in a bin made for broken down cardboard boxes...unfortunately they are picked up very early in the morning and put on a crusher. A very kind highway patrolman saw him and warned him to get up early...and sometime during that night he placed new clothes and a coat on the cardboard. What a considerate, kind man.


  • Away From the Sun
    August 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Love!

    Perfect, just perfect...reflection of so many in our world who just don't care anymore. So sad.

  • piccola silver member
    August 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Someone told me that in Russia during the freezing cold, the homeless die and people just step over them. Doesn't seem much better here. We treat the homeless like bags of garbage...paying $200,000. per person to spend 15 minutes in outer space ... I don't get it.


  • jscribbled
    August 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I wish the world was less disturbed by mid day grass naps . we are so protective of our habitats, and im so bored with my own bed.


  • movedon
    July 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The last two lines made me think of that song Stop and Stare that's really popular right now ADD sucks lol. Anyway, strong imagery here. I live in the suburbs of Minnesota, complete with white picket fences and ordiances for the angle you mow your lawn. But Minneapolis is complete with these types of men and more. One time, my youth group was going around handing out blankets to homeless men on the street in winter. I had about ten blankets in my arms and as I was walking down the sidewalk, I handed them out. An old man came alondside me and said, "Kid, there are thousands of us here. You can't make a difference." I felt kinda hurt, but as I handed a blanket to one man and said back to the enderly man and said, "I made a difference to him." And I handed another to a woman. "I made a difference to her" A little difference, is a big difference to some. Thanks for sharing!

    Love,
    Mylee


  • xXxIceQueenxXx
    July 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Where I live you normally don't see too much of this, but when I was on a neighborhood study visit to D.C. a few years back, I saw this every day. It's sad when this happens.

    But, thank you for entering into my contest!


  • Patpowers silver member
    July 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Quite a sad work

    Celadia, this is a compelling and sad work about being homeless. You did a good job in expressing this for which I thank you! Good luck in the contest!


  • IrishGypsyRose silver member
    July 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Sad

    It is a great piece, but it is also sad that we can write something like this and it be so true. I like the flow and meter. I think all in all it is a good write. Great job. ~mandie~


  • Rheea gold member
    July 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You write with insight as if it were you. Compassion born of pain no doubt. Is compassion really there unless you have needed it been starved for it in your own life? I do not think so. Write on sweet woman write on.

1 - 11 of 11