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Alone

Alone in this cruel world.

Shes alone

So alone in this world.

No one wants her.
So she cries alone.
Sighs alone.

And in the end....

Dies alone.

Please Please tell me what you think. I really want feedback on this one.

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Comments

  • Judith Chandler
    October 22, 2008

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    Those are scary rhymes, and it's a scary idea, something we all want to avoid.

    I enjoyed your write.


  • bruntbeauty
    August 19, 2008

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    Not to be too critical, and I'm sorry to say; but this is a little TOO basic and the word alone is annoyingly repetitive.

    You're here for help, and I'm not going to lie to you.


  • dryed-up-eyes
    August 8, 2008

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    i like it. I like the simplicity about it. yet it makes us think about the story behind it. really good.

  • hardeepb
    July 29, 2008

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    LOVE IT. So simple...I feel that same way sometimes in my life...just...alone. Nobody wants me...sometimes when you're alone you wonder what you did wrong to deserve the pain...I wonder it too.

    Decent structure...I think you can alter the spacing on the stanza that's all together...and your second line 'Shes alone' has no period at the end. Other than the iffy structure...I loved the heart...loved the sadness in this. I felt every word. Keep it up!