Shadows seeping over
highly detailed, well
structured walls.
The king upon his throne
gorges on sweetmeats
scouring his friends
with bitter eye.
The queen is in the courtyard
with the grandest knight
of all.
The footsoldier is watching her;
where is the cavalry?
The royal hold great majesty
at highest cost;
alas.
The king fearing assination
but from where
he can not know.
Each member of the castle walls
who stalks within the fortress halls
awaits the mighty empire's
next downfall...
Awaiting war or outright murder;
tense, alone, afraid,
it is not long before the pressure
nearly has a man unmade.
His wife and queen stands by his side
despite his crude cruelty
and together they watch hawklike
over their own personal Rome.
Author notes
--opens mouth inhaling big breath--
This is pretty crap. Your opinion?
A contest entry
- Medieval/Historical related poems by TyrannyForestFairy.
1410 points, ended August 12, 2008, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Round 2: Historical (invite only) by TyrannyForestFairy.
1050 points, ended September 13, 2008, 4 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
How Do You Like My Soul? --- Critique
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Great stuff...
Wonderful storytelling with great imagery & depth wrapped in a smooth, flowing narrative that captivates throughout...
Keep up the good work...
Well done!!!
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I enjoyed the historical nature of this piece. You're quite the storyteller. What a lovely background to compliment your poem as well. Thanks for sharing.
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a very good poem with a cool castle bg....I love fanstsy adn magic too adn think it would be great to live in such a place..
return the comment
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I love the subtle and simple words that you used to create a strong impression. Some of the greatest worries of royalty are well captured here. This is an excellent write. It captured my attention as well as my compassion. Vividly painted. I wish some more distinct mannerisms and fashions were described to place the reader even deeper in the poem, but I still enjoyed this well crafted write.
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Congrats on the silver!
You've captured the era well here
Love how you've added little facts, like constant terror of assassination and how some kings were cruel to the queens (and they put up with it!) Really was a fear driven era 
Love the BG to this also, the castles are cool! Wicked write hun, congrats on the silver 
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wow i like how you show their fear of death great wrtie
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Wow this is mind blowing!
I adore this phenomenal write, its so fabulous on poetic graphics and I love the background too, this was like going to fantasy land for a trip out, I was totally transcended.
You are very talented and have a very unique way with words too.
Love the bit that goes:
"Awaiting war or outright murder;
tense, alone, afraid,
it is not long before the pressure
nearly has a man unmade".
Wow that is amazing!
This is Poet Laureate standard, hope you are in print? If not you sure should be!
Fabulous work highly impressive, bravo! Write on, Love it!
This should win Gold, good luck in the contest!
Poetic Hugs,
Kaz.
Kazytc xx
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This has a universal sort of feeling since treachery can happen anywhere, any time. The king should go on a diet and watch his back. Great details.
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To answer your question in your AN, I have to say no, this was a great write
I love the era this poem is based on and you have made your interpretation in this through descriptive and cleverly organised and aranged terminology. The 7th stanza is my favourite, although the whole poem is excellent. Lovely work, I adored it, keep it up
Thank you for entering and good luck
~Emily~ xx
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