My Gift... My Curse

I can't help but wonder why we are
As I'm staring out at your shining star
How is it that I got here?
And why is life filled with constant fear?
Fear of losing, hurting, and falling
It puts me right in the corner bawling
I put on a good show on the outside
Although my insecurities eat me alive
Wandering through life day to day
Always trying to find a different way
To relieve all this pent up stress
You wouldn't dare even take a guess
To just how I feel
Sometimes I hurt myself to prove it's real
Knowing that every time is the same
This is all real and it's a scary game
Born with a gift most will never realize
Just because they can't see it with their eyes
So I hide my curse deep inside
Grab my heart and open it wide
All this to find some kind of good
Hoping it'd help but knowing it never would
I'm the same inside as I am on the out
And this will never change I know without a doubt
As I sit here and write this in blood
I come to realize that I'm the dud.