Gentle caress
awakening senses
that never existed
before we met.
I take a bite
from the celestial flesh
and indulge in
pleasures of the night.
The more my fingertips
brush thy supple form
the more distant
and cold it appears.
Why is it so
that the closer we are
the further your soul
seems to be?
Author notes
"you are too bare
to my touch;
why is that, love?"
How did this make you feel?
Did you like it, and where I took the prompt?
How would you improve this?
Let me know.
A contest entry
- skin by adsaige.
300 points, ended August 14, 2008, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
How Do You Like My Soul? --- Critique
Comments
-
Judged
I see, and I will admit that I do like it very much. This could use a little editing jobs on first and second stanzas. I know the flow does seem a bit soft, but I feel their could be something MORE with the ending. It seems imbalanced. But a very beautiful and well written write.
Thank you for entering.
Good Luck. -
hmm your rhyme seems awfully off today hun no offence,
but again the rhyme in this isnt exactly forced as such but very off and you cant tell the rhyme is there, but i love you! all my love,
kitty xxx -
No matter how much we love someone we can never make them return it, this to me represesnted loneliness in togetherness which can be the most painful form of hurt, i wish u good luck in the contest
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