there are two months left.
I
am not counting days; it is enough
to have a horizon, these last years a tropical raft drifting
on stationary waves. these last walls, these painted faces
closing, tightening, this is not a noose this is a tunnel, there is
light, I am
moving, I am -
two months. it is less than a mantra, more
than a heartbeat, it is imprinted on my skin, in the crannies
of my fingernails, on my palms and soles and retinas - there is
light
and this jar will shatter, it will tip, I
am not fluttering helpless there is hope. I can wait. I
have two months.
they have two months.
but I am leaving.
Author notes
Written for TI9, prompt 'personal' and this is, for a change. me, that is. Be it Cambridge or Edinburgh, October 1st or September 14th, I'm out - and I'm kinda dubious about coming back. I've had enough of being that eighteen-year-old-kid kept in toddler-reins.
(Follows from 'Native Alien' ~ congrats on the anniversary ^.^)
A contest entry
- Favorites Only Please! Thank You! by poetryality.
1500 points, ended September 1, 2008, 46 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Controlled Vomiting: Can you puke beautifully? by onerios13.
1400 points, ended August 17, 2008, 24 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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this is really great. why does it have so few comments??!
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lol for me? this is a /lot/ of comments. I kinda suck at replying (you mighta noticed), which leads to few comments.
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The beauty in life is that we are always evolving. The emotions written here are stark. There is a hint of indecision, although the end makes it clear what you have to do. An excellent entry and I thank you for submitting it here. I wish you the best in this challenge and your "move". Keep looking forward and only take a quick glimpse back to make sure not to return if it is too painful.
Much Love ♥
Renee
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amazing.
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I love this. The fact I wont or can't nitpick is a good thing. Means I've found a poem I think encompasses both the controlled and the vomit of this contest. LO
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XD thank you - no nitpicking from you is indeed a compliment =P
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there is so much emotion in this; anger, frustration, conviction, and hope. i imagined this being read aloud.
the only things i really didn't like about it was the repetition of 'two months' - maybe cut out one of them? then it would be good. also, there were some parts where a comma or some kind of punctuation was needed.
"am not fluttering helpless there is hope"
how about:
am not fluttering helpless- there is hope
or
am not fluttering helpless; there is hope
.......
besides that, i thought this was great. i love the way you write. as usual, not only is your style original but so are your ideas.
so far, this is clearly the strongest poem out of this round. technically it is great, and is radiant with emotions.
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good
I like it
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