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A Slumbering Hope

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I stole quietly upon your

languid form, two heart

beats distant. corners

tugged soft melodies: a

smile. wakened in your

slumber, dreams kissed

mirrors; sighs reflecting

back my own. 

 

 

Sweet innocence

 

 

Beauty's exhalation held

back my very breath. I

drew chuckles in its place.

pondering night's lullabye

I kissed your forehead

tight.  oh child, tonight

you are the twilight love

that sets this very world

to rest.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Prompt:

"Every day we do things, we are things that have to do with peace.
If we are aware of our life..., our way of looking at things,
we will know how to make peace right in the moment, we are alive."

Thich Nhat Hanh

So...this may be a tad cliche, but I believe we gain peace through love. In this case, the love of our children. I hope it's what you're looking for.

A contest entry

Critical Critique Desired.

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • malmadre gold member
    August 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Nothing is as peaceful as a sleeping child and that feeling of pride as we gaze upon that sleeping sweetness that is our own. I feel that the & could have been omitted without hurting the poems flow. You captured a truly peaceful moment.


  • Blue Rew silver member
    August 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Gorgeous...
    I felt the emotion focused throughout here.
    Tenderness portrayed vividly with attention
    to rhythm and senses. Very well done to prompt.
    Blue


  • dp robertson
    August 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I liked this - it is lovely. It is a little bit cliched which you have rightly noted but this is very nice to read and is perfect to the prompt. Thank you


  • sideways hourglass
    August 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    the same length of each line kind of thing makes it look good. it reads well too. usually poets put the key words at the end of each line, but i like how you put them at the beginning - gave each important metaphor a strong enough punch. overall, this was beautiful.