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A Night With You

 

wick;
burnt visage danced

like pointer-finger;

shhhh...

you blew my whimpers
out

 

softly feral,

kisses fell-

daggers;

sharp upon my skin

 

 

windows opened,

you let lunar passion

in;

eyes tread lightly

down the winding

path

 

 

zipper hissed slowly-

you smiled, 

teasing poetry;

words only lips

could speak

 

 

I sighed 

 

 

night's rain;

cool moisture

caressed

passionate embrace...

 

 

I pulled you up,

drew you in; 

two bodies freshly twined 

 

 

deep;

we shuddered

early morning frost,

but braced the warmth

 

 

within

 

 

 

 

Author notes

Prompt: Sex

In a list

A contest entry

Critical Critique Desired.

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • Desire gold member
    November 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Oh My~

    Now this is a Beauty of a piece and Love how You presented this- each line- brough a set of images that fell into the next set~
    Melted Passion with Emotion~
    Bravo!!
    Excellent verse~
    especially with: zipper hissed slowly
    Congratulations on Your HM!
    -Throws confetti-
    Woooooooooo Hoooooooooooo

    Thank You for sharing Your Talent and Spirit
    with the Group~
    Many blessings to You in all You do Sweet Soul
    Best wishes too
    with much love & light~ Desire~*~


  • Heavenly Angel silver member
    September 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wonderfully sensual
    Congratulations on your honorable mention
    The best to you in all your writing endeavors


  • Cannonsfire
    August 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Beautifully erotic and the images just painted two bodies onto the page. So very well done and very hot lol

  • rgrpaperboy
    August 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Beautifully written. The reader must bring open mind with respect to picture it creates. Great job. Rick


  • A Lonely Soul
    August 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this was absolutely beautiful without a doubt. I loved it, and thought you did an excellent job writing it. You do such a lovely job when it comes to imagery, great write. Keep up the amazing writes.
    ~~Tori~~


  • Tangled Angle
    August 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    kind of a bit choppy for me-
    but the ideas were great. this was just beautiful. loved it.


  • SurelyWritten
    July 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "deep;
    we shuddered"

    PERFECT!

    I loved that part, absolutely breath-taking writing, and that just caught me so hard.. Okay, see now I can't even speak right...

    Great lines, I loved it.

    Good luck!

    Shirley


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    July 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Stunning! You always amaze me with your sensual writes.. you take words and things that don't seem sensual and make them so!


  • PerfectImperfection
    July 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    For that as your prompt - you gave it a beauty that none could... Your ability to embrace words, gift them flight - and actually reach heart, is just remarkable. I absolutely adored this. You get better comments than many from me - because I can not only FEEL each piece - but envision it; even taste it upon my tongue (poetically speaking lol).

    The beginning is wonderfully spoken, I loved:

    "wick;
    burnt visage danced
    like pointer-finger;
    shhhh...
    you blew my whimpers
    out"
    .. excellent effect in every way ..

    If I kept going most of the poem would be here. I don't try and fluff the comments - but it looks like it here lmao! In all seriousness - this was incredible. You have a gift, one this reader certainly enjoys!!! Thanks for sharing hun - best wishes in the contest!

1 - 9 of 9