Sometimes I can't seem to stand it
The girl I used to be
Flirty and coy
Sweet and sincere
The girl left, completly distorting me
I am stripped of my happiness
Converted with my pride
Now I have so many secrets
That are in my grave that have to hide
Was I just a joke
Or a silly meaningless care
Nearly each and every single one of them
Left me. With nothing to bare.
Wait, where should I start?
What about Greg?
Who wouldn't figure it out?
He gave me the thirteen month plague
He just didn't "rape"
He stripped me of my pride
What a son of a b!tch
Made me lose all my friends and lied!
What 'bout before then?
Yeah, Ricky was a real sweet heart
Led me on to believe a drug dealer was true
But I would be the only one who didn't knew
Now yes, Josh was a sweet heart
And boy, all the girls know how he loved to play
He played with all of us
Then Emily told me he went away
Then my "sadlilguy" just came along
It killed me hearing how he had his own bong
We stayed strong
Nearly through and through
But no, he didn't have a computer
And started drugs
'Cuase he "LOVED ME!"
...Like he didn't know what he had to do...
He gets a girlfriend behind my back
He didn't tell me until I told him
Maybe it was confisence that he never lacked
Then I get upset when he is online
He can drink himself to death,
But I can't have a glass of wine?
Then there's a guy who's known me on AP since day one
He's talked me out of many things
Eating disorders... using a gun ...
Something comes up and
He rathers to be friends
Then he takes sides with the "lil guy"
As to the heart that be-th unmends
As for everything else that has ****ed me up in my life
As you ****ing read this I want you to smile
Just for once in your life
To show you that you can win
And that you can push me down
But no matter how you ever put it
I'll never let you throw me around
I've been there
And I have done that
Through these eighteen years of cruel and rotten life
There was been only one concrete thing positive among this strife
A guy that wants me to be his wife
I am tired of the hate
I am tired of the lies
I am tired of the one getting it
On each and every telephone line
I am tired of people of thinking I'm a bad guy
I just need every real nigguh to hear me out
I even tried over dosing my way out of this life
But it's cruel, and that didn't even work out
For everyone who has ever been there
And got over that
Do me a favor and don't rule me out
It's just
One day
She's going to be all out
Author notes
I think I am done with AP... I am glad I got it all out though. I will tell you that though. A lot of inside. A lot... if you know me, you're like wow, or "finally".
lol
As for everyone who just ran into this poem and half @$$ed read it, thanks ... I have the feeling I lost you, or you heard me on the extend.
As for the nigguh, I of all people had a rap beat in my head and it just came with it. I am not racist, I'd have to be the furthest thign from it. The five most sweetest, funniest, smartest, and most understanding guys I know are black.
But yeah... I am at my whits end at writing, keeping meter and beat, and wow, my spelling is gone too.
I need some help...and don't know where to go, or do. ...
I'm tired of hiding it, and acting like everything is okay
Is anyone out there, World?? Can anyone see me?!?
no questions asked...If you followed it,you know what you need to write.
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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I'd have to agree with the last post.
I also want you to stick around. No one can say they understand what you've been through in your 18 years. I remember feeling like that when I was 18, too. When you've been beat down, the toughest thing to do is get back up, but it's the getting back up that does make you stronger. It's taken me another 18 years to figure that one out, but it's been worth it. Never give up. You're worth every second, and more of us need to be inspired by your writing. With every asshole that's out there, there is going to be one that is the polar opposite. Powerful write!
Don
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This was great. However, I don't think you should be done with AP, as your writes definately benefit the integrity of this site. I really liked this, and would be really sad if I didn't see you continuing on with this undeniable talent you have. You truly have an original style of writing, something I had never seen before, and to be completely honest, wouldn't have liked if it were not for such an original, talented, and truly beautiful writer. You have an amazing way with words, and you should never give that up. I say keep penning, keep on going, and remember- THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE. One day you will find that asshole that won't be like all those other assholes... it's just finding that asshole that's the problem. But keep looking. He's out there. Never give up on hope. Ever. Even after what I went through, I, of all fucking people, still have hope. I believe you can too.
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I really like this poem
My favorite part is the beggining though
"Sometimes I can't seem to stand it
The girl I used to be
Flirty and coy
Sweet and sincere
The girl left, completly distorting me
I am stripped of my happiness
Converted with my pride
Now I have so many secrets
That are in my grave that have to hide"
Unfortunatly I can relate to this, becoming a different person and leaving the old girl behind
Keep writing
x
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Ouch!
A lot of things go on when you are just starting in this world and I know that you feel you have been there and done that. What I can tell you is that all are not that way, but where you find your friends, make how you are treated by them. I hope you don't leave forever. I come here and see your stuff and sometimes I can see me in you. I know things are tough, but I also know things can get better. I was 32 when I met my wife and life has been much better with her. I had a lot of sad things in my past, but the future is where I see good things now. I hope your vision will let you see better things too! I love you and hope it works out! Keep in touch! The Shaker
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i just wished you didnt use the n word...no matter how you paraphrase it people will take offense to that just because.
this is a very harsh write almost as if ur telling the world to fuck off and let you live [or die]
powerrful teen angst...i hope you dont decide to leave forever....that wouldn be amazing...just take a break if needed.. (:
Dani♥
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