Some people like to get away
Take a trip more often than they could
Transatlantic hyperdrive
Like the stars in Hollywood
But me, I'd rather go by bus
Or take the riverboat up the line
Past Quincy to Zydeco, Birmingham
I'm in a bluesy kind of mind
Now I've read about those movie queens
In their diamonde and Gucci styles
I've watched them climb from limousines
Flashing their booty and their smiles
But beneath the makeup and the scars
Beat hearts as cold as livid ice
I'd rather be down in Mobile town
Where they don't give a toss of the dice
Leave me here in Birmingham
I'm in a bluesy kind of mind
Yeh! it's too easy living day to day
With just them rhythm and them blues
It's where I like to leave the world
With it's Fox and CNN daily news
So when it comes down to the crunch
I just like to let it slide
And leave them to their own devices
Down here on the riverside
So let them go their merry ways
'coz I've got better things to find
I don't have a care in the whole wide world
I'm in a bluesy kind of mind
Yeh! it's too easy living day to day
With just them rhythm and them blues
It's where I like to leave the world
With it's Fox and CNN daily news
But me, I'd rather go by bus
Or take the riverboat up the line
Past Quincy to Zydeco, Birmingham
I'm in a bluesy kind of mind
Past Quincy to Zydeco, Birmingham
I'm in a bluesy kind of mind
Author notes
having been a muso from way back... just love the blues & writing lyrics that tell a story; not just doo-wah, moon-in-june bullsh*t... I am quite proud of these lyrics...
A contest entry
- Stream of Consciousness by knots untangled.
600 points, ended September 2, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Your Best Pre-Written Rhyme by piccola.
800 points, ended August 15, 2008, 90 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rhyme and Flow part 9 Feelings - 50,000 points series by cricketjeff.
4000 points, ended September 7, 2008, 50 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites? Sure! by xCandieKissesx.
300 points, ended August 29, 2008, 41 entries
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500 points, ended October 10, 2008, 15 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Does Music Soothe Your Soul? by your angers a gift.
440 points, ended September 30, 2008, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Take My Breath Away(Anything you Want) by fairytalelovestory.
675 points, ended October 19, 2008, 106 entries
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560 points, ended December 16, 2008, 138 entries
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700 points, ended December 18, 2008, 16 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Rhymes and free verse by misticmoonlite.
850 points, ended May 24, 46 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PRWRITE CONTEST FOR ALL by serenity silvermoon.
900 points, ended August 2, 1023 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - # 195 Write a poem about a city by Andantino.
1650 points, ended November 13, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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I see this is a song lyric
and that, of course, with the narrative poem, has centuries of literary history. Your poem does not give me much of a feel for the city you're describing though, except that for you it's a place to escape to, and suggests for you the blues. If anything, you give me more of a feel of Hollywood than Birmingham, and your stronger lines have to do with stars in Hollywood. I see this is a prewrite, which is allowed, but it is not a poem about a city in a strict sense. Rather it compares what you see as "false" and "showy" with what you see as worthwhile and true - a worthy subject to explore.
S2, L6: "Beats hearts as cold as livid ice" Beats" should be "Beat" This is my favorite line in the poem: "livid ice" is a memorable metaphor. Watch ' its'. Spelling!
Danni
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An interesting poem, I can feel the journey that you've painted here. I rather like this poem. Thank you for sharing, and best wishes.
Zach Estel. -
not bad for lyricsof rhythm and blues, thank you for this entry... good luck in my contest
Linda
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A very laid back and relaxing poem here. What a wonderful rhythm and flow this has. A very nice read. Thanks much for sharing this write, and thanks for entering. Blessings, Patty
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I liked this one alot. It have a well established rhythm and rhyme scheme. Very well written! Keep writing poet!
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ty & gl
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as well you should be proud...this is written very well...very calming and it flows extremly well...great write...thank you for entering
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i really freaking like this! it just fits my mood lately! the entire poem has a great vibe! thank you so much for entering my contest and i wish you the best of luck! ~CarnalNineTailedFox
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Thank you for your entry in the contest. This is a very enjoyable read and would make a terrific song, while reading it I was reminded of Billy Joel's 'New York State Of Mind', it has the same feel to it.
All the best to you at judging
Sue and Jeff
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Oh this was a wonderful write
full of emotion & depth
Thanks for entering -
Nice rhyme and flow and it indeed has a bluesy kind of feel to it. They say writers should always pen of what they know. It seens as if you know of Quincy and Zydeco ... I really enjoyed this.
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well this was an enjoyable read it had a nice flow to it and it seems like it is a tribute to where you live, and how no matter what you'd rather be there.
-Meg -
Clever little number ...
and a swell stream of blue consciousness exhibited in your thoughts shared in this poem ... joy
bIrmingham!
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