wrinkles taut
around the rigid hull on
a clammy afternoon
showing faces frozen
to the rind that weeps softly
masking olden skin
in antique timber.
hushed cries
swoon over arched branches
like frosted dew drops
falling from unseen
rainclouds
rooted and trapped
to the earth.
while surrounded by
the blooming lush of green feathers
I embrace your shady comfort;
your seams of time and wisdom
all around me.
A contest entry
- willow by james119.
600 points, ended August 11, 2008, 13 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - CONTEST!!! DON'T COME IN!!! by No longer in use.
300 points, ended August 11, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
why do we run from the wind...
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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lovely write. I find myself sitting under the tree, reading this poem and observing...
Thanks so much for entering
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Oh my.
Well, it turns out that both of us have found a secret treasure tonight! I am very impressed with your work too. It's not just the typical, elementary A B A B rhyme scheme that people call poetry. This actually expresses a reflection of something within. Although I have only read one of your poems, it looks like you may have a pretty solid command your vocabulary.
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thank you, that means a lot to me. I don't get many readers who quite appreciate the depth of my vocabulary. <3
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Great
Talent is always in expression and communication. Even if I had not read the requirements for the contest, this would still be powerful. These lines just materialize and are viands to the eyes.
"rooted and trapped
to the earth."
"I embrace your shady comfort;
your seams of time and wisdom
all around me."
In my opinion, you didn't leave the reader with any unanswered questions; but I was able to identify the central idea. Though that isn't necessarily a reason to alter your poem, as it is already strong. L16 was quite pretty: "the blooming lush of green feathers."
I see no blatant awkwardness in your form, so I'm without a real sugesstion for improvement. Thanks for the read, excellent concentration on imagery and 1st person point-of-view.
The old proverb is true, "nature teaches us to love our friends, but religion our enemies." Good luck in the contest
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This is beautiful salty, Its almost a sad lament to an old friend. The beauty in nature is surpassed by most but I can see you embraced it with this piece. A job well done and good luck with the contest.
~Jack
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I love the Willow tree's. They stand spread out to comfort the land and people around them. With a breeze they look like a wonderful picture in time...well done, thanks for sharing
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I like this. Your flow was good as were your metaphors. I love the nature/personal type write. Pen on...
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"like frosted dew drops
falling from unseen
rainclouds"
I love this image!
People really run from the wind?? That's crazy! I dance in the wind!!
JADE RAYNE*
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That was beautiful! I loved the imagery! Keep it up!!
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well done :]
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Amazing....
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I really liked this. It was soft and yet full of vivid imagery! and this had a lot of surprising emotion! you did a wonderful job.. I wish you the best of luck with the contest! I really enjoyed reading this!
Angel
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