I wandered off the beaten path
and onto the bunny trails
As I was trying to find the way back,
I fell into a pit called temptation
I have been here ever since,
wondering if I will ever get out
A contest entry
- All 13 an Under Deep Poets Prt. 2 by Medina Regal.
700 points, ended October 14, 2008, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ANYTHING TO JUST FEEL BETTER... by written-in-ink.
563 points, ended September 24, 2008, 32 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
what do you think?
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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well done
There is only one way his name is Jesus and I think you know what you have to do.good luck in the contest -
I like the way you ended this with "wondering if I will ever get out". We all wonder if we will get past temptation and it can feel like a deep pit we have to struggle to climb out of. I think this is one of your best and you keep getting better. I think as you grow you will become even better and possibly achieve greatness in your writing.
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Cute
The pit of temptation. I like the sound of that. It has an "alice in wonderland" feel to it. Great work for such a young poet. Nice flow and seperation of work. The only thing I would work on if I were you is the repeating of the words and and the...give it a bit more umph with colorful adjectives and adverbs. Otherwise, I loved it. I wrote my very first poem at 13 myself....lol. Memories. Great job love.
~mandie~
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Great little write there! All of us have been there and done that with temptation, but no one can fully comprehend on what each of us has been through.
Stay strong with this temptation and whenever you do feel like it is creeping upon you again, just PRAY!
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You'll get out !
Nice straight forward lil' confession there! I like it, I've been climbing in and out of that ol' pit all my life, so long as you know what's right, and i think ya do, everyone does, you'll be all right, do me and perhaps yourself, a favor; read my poem; "Run no more",
Hey! I'm much older than you are, lfe's full of hidden lessons I lost a lotta good friends via temptation, almost lost myself too, hang in there, if ya need a hand just holla'
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WOW
UBER WOW REALY WELL WRITTEN AND THINKS FOR THE COMMENTS -
Sad
The pit of temptation will swallow you whole girl. What you need to do is get priorities in order, and when temptation comes again, just say no thank you. I have been down the beaten path and bunny trails many times in my life, and they all led to this weird place called ... well whatever ... I learned to say no thank you to drugs, to alcohol, and I even quit smoking, but started up again. My one vice that I have to say no thank you to ... I am trying but it is very hard to quit an addiction. That is what nicotine cravings are, addictions.
This poem brought back many horrid memories for me, but my advice is to just say no thank you to temptation, and send it on its merry way.
Love & hugs,
Barbara
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Interesting and I liked the use of imagery and metaphor we have going on here. That's what life can seem to us, nothing but temptation and we can't seem to find a way out. Not overly sure of the opening 'A few years ago....' it may have more immediacy if you opened with 'I wandered..' just a thought.
Thanks for sharing.
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