Floating or falling?
Waking or sleeping?
Differences cannot be deciphered…
My reality is as hazy as a dream.
I am violently pulled under the current of my life, and it imprisons me in its’ freezing depths.
These shackles are too cold, too bitter to release me,
And I am too weak to fight their icy grip.
My heart is painted grey—
Grey as the shadow of a cloud on a dim-lit day.
I drift into the dark night's tide...
Waves of sorrow crash down on me,
And I feel I am forever suffocating without you,
Drowning in your absence
Dying without your presence
I try to reach for you
But you don’t reach back.
No longer shall I embrace the gaze of the stars…
They don’t know Solitude as I do.
Author notes
This is dedicated to a very close friend of mine (as the preview said), and I hope I found the correct words for this piece...
I can bet that many will also understand the feelings that I tried to put into this poem.
Tell me what you think--I appreciate it.
A contest entry
- best prewrites by dory.
500 points, ended July 30, 2008, 89 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Whaddya think?
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Woww, this was definitely an emotionally shattering piece. I loved the absolute chilliness that is exposed in every line.
Your use of words like 'imprisons', 'shackles', 'suffocating', etc. really brought out the intesnity and power of the poem.
You creatively captured the feeling of total emptiness and hopelessness...beautiful work, please keep writing:]
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GAH!
it's G-R-A-Y
not G-R-E-Y!!!!
but otherwise. I love it as much as the rest of your stuffies.
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NO IT'S NOT!!!
...
GrEEEEEEEEEy can be spelled in two different ways. Alas, we are both correct!
I just prefer it with the 'e' because it just looks more...sad to me. When it has the 'a', for some reason, it's just not as powerful to me.
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wow
very
good and deep
and i may say that your tittle is amazing!
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Why, thank you! I consider the title of a poem to be just as -if not more- important as the poem itself. Thanks for your comment =)
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Epic, man.
Very very cool. I love how you capitalized Solitude like that...reminds me of Emily Dickinson. -
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Hmmm. You're right. I love putting the special "emphasis" on certain words like that...I had forgotten that Emily was known for it. Perhaps I should write a poem in her style someday...
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Very, very much enjoyed it. Great write.
Tal.
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LOVE IT
How is it that you can be so deep, and so understanding? I envy your writing skills, and I probably spelled envy wrong. -_- I need to learn to spell. -
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Thank you, child!
Well, to answer your question...I guess I understand because not only do I know what it feels like usually, but I always put myself in other peoples' shoes...perhaps thats why I have a knack for helping people--even if I don't experience a situation, I still understand it in that way.
And no, honey, you didn't spell envy wrong =)
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Such a sad piece!
To me it sounds like a tragic love story as to where one loves another but the other doesn't return it back to them.
Solitude and desolation is truly a horrid beast.
Loved this.
I'm such a fan of imagery and this satisfied my needs!!
Bravo!
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Love this. It reminded me of some of my previous work where I tried to outline the solitary feeling of being drowned in life and chained under by depression.
Lovely words.
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