Sometimes I can’t feel my legs
my heart pounding or my love of life
but a poem perspires from my soul
and I feel;
the infinite feeling of birth,
my head in heaven
my heart in the arms of an angel
and my ass trying to steal the show.
I came in left handed and backwards
My landing was:
Mozart rasping on Bach
God rasping on nature
and a life leading to a...
Man very confused
by insignificance.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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I like this poem
Sounds like you have a good sense of humor.
And the heart of a poet! I really enjoyed this.
Write on!
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awesome. very creative, and i love the strong, distinct voice and the sharp turns and pauses where you can almost hear the drumroll.
love the concept that you "perspire" a poem, and that last stanza is great, nicely built up to, strong finale, and a lot packed into those five words. the ambiguity and inclusiveness of "insignificance" standing along, unmodified, is powerful, leaves us with something to mull over.
like how come down from "heavens and angels" to the blunt "and my ass trying to steal the show." i always enjoy it when people are able to poke gentle, good natured, honest fun at themselves, and i like the rhythmic effect as well.
"I came in left handed and backwards" is great as well.
i didn't really get the whole "Mozart rasping on..." part and the romantic description of "head in heaven, heart held by angels" (though i like the contrast it creates with the "ass" line) - that isn't supposed to describe the "infinite feeling of birth," is it? i thought the feeling of birth was pretty much pure agony, sweetened only by the result. unless you are describing the exhileration just after giving birth, or perhaps the child being born (though these lines wouldn't make much sense for that either), or perhaps the father witnessing his child being born. when i read this poem, "birth" kept immediately bringing to mind a woman giving birth for me, and i was like, huh? but now i see that there are other possibilities. still not my favorite lines, but that's just my opinion.
really though, a very fresh, original, intriguing, thought-provoking style, a well-crafted poem. i'm glad i got a chance to read it. -
I came in left handed and backwards
My landing was:
Mozart rasping on Bach
God rasping on nature
and a life leading to a...
That stanza make me think about like a spiritual revolution and stuff. I like it though. Unique
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"but a poem perspires from my soul
and I feel;
the infinite feeling of birth,
my head in heaven
my heart in the arms of an angel" - I like these lines very much
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