"How did you sleep last night, Mitch?"
"Not too good. The hotel was crowded. When hookers amd pushers weren't knocking on the door, I had nightmares. But I'm fine! Ready for a hard day's work. You ever have dreams, Ben?"
"Had a weird one last night. I was riding a big wheel tricycle, down a curvy road with dead end, and there was a gingerbread house at the end. An old man came out and handed me a pole saw handle. I thanked him and rode away, like a knight with a long lance!"
I didn't need to ask what the nightmares were about. I picked him up hitch hiking about a month before and listened to his stories. He was tall and lanky with sandy wavy hair, friendly way and handsome face, marred only by some missing teeth and... memories. When he could control his appetites, he had enough to stay in the cheapest hotel, "Pile of Mud" he called the Palomar Hotel. It was one of the old courtyard ringed with single units that you could park next to from the old Route 66 era. Sometimes he spent nights in a burned home that appeared abandoned. He had a drug problem and said he had AIDS. He knew a lot about it, spending much time in the library researching. The other men did not want to work with him, so after the crews were mapped out, he and I picked up less demanding jobs.
"Don't come near me if I get cut. I'll get on the back of the truck, and you just drop me at the hospital. Don't take any risks with me, I'm not worth it."
“God made you special, Mitch. And he has a plan for your life; he can use your life and all your pain for good, if you will turn to him," was a message I repeated.
"What do you have for us this morning, Mr. Big Wheel Lancelot?" Mitchell grinned.
"There is a 90-year old man that had an oak tree killed by lightning. He wants it for firewood to heat his house, so if we can agree to a price, all we do is get it down, and cut it up. He'll do the rest."
"Ninety? He is quite an optimist, isn't he!"
I passed his subtle driveway, twice. It wound down, up and around behind his daughter's house. A clearing opened in the tall pines, and there was this two-story Swiss Chalet with scalloped eaves, stained glass, and wooden shingles. Wilmer Rainer, retired glass worker, had built the home for his wife, working alone.
"Well, I did have a partner, The Lord! Whenever I couldn't figure out how to do something, like mounting the forty foot beam in the dining room, or getting the bath tub up to the second floor, I would ask Jesus, and he always helped me with my problem!”
He gave us the guided tour, telling us of his wife's favorite things with moist eyes. Her sewing room was clean but exactly the way she left it. Cancer had taken her from him after a few short years in the home. He produced a Town and Country Magazine with the Chalet on the cover, and the story of how a retired man had built a home worth $100,000.00 for $6000.00.
He watched us with amazement as I climbed, and Mitchell Towne ran the ropes and diced up the branches to keep the work area free. It was a satisfying morning's work. Wilmer brought us iced-tea and sandwiches and told us of all the places he had salvaged materials to build. The stained glass came from St. Vincent's Convent, torn down to build a mall. He had enough lumber left over to build a handsome and useful barn and still made occasional re-sales of salvaged beams.
"Mr. Moon, I have something for you I think you can use. Come with me."
I followed the nonagenarian around the crooks and stacks of lumber till he produced a long oaken rod, with eight sides, like our pole saw handle.
"It was a sucker rod for a well, but I thought you could use it as a handle."
It was too long to fit in the bed, so I tied it to the mirror alongside the truck past the door, locking Mitch in the truck. We drove away, pennant flying in the wind, with him eyeing me with a peculiar look.
"What?" I asked.
"You don't know?" he scowled.
"NO, what?"
"The dream. The gingerbread house, the curvy dead end drive, and the long handle held like a lance?”
I was speechless. I can't explain the dream but cannot dismiss it as purely coincidence. I think the small voice explanation must have come in Mitchell's heart. Eventually, he told me he had walked in on his step-dad at fourteen, just as he blew his head off. He had been running from nightmares ever since. When everyone around me kept insisting it was Mitch who was responsible for missing tools, I sent him away. For them, for the people in my life who depend on me.
When last I saw him, he was carrying the burden of the knowledge of things he could not change. Seems I always get the hard cases.
Mitch. If you are out there, let me know if you are alive. You know how to find me.
Author notes
this is a SOM (story of the month) entry
Theme is working with the homeless
A contest entry
- Short Story of the Month - SOM by Arkbear.
1250 points, ended August 1, 2008, 8 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Write down your most exciting dream, in the form of a poem.POINTS WILL DOUBLE IF I GET ENOUGH ENTRIES, SO GET YOUR FRIENDS TO ENTER.pw pw pw by echo-ink.
1200 points, ended September 1, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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INTERESTING
It is a wee bit sad, Dreams hey! well done and congrats on the bronze
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Another interesting story from you. Congratulations on the bronze, very well deserved Ben and a joy to read,
Sue x
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Nice write, shows a gentle and caring attitude to life.
Dreams are wonderful windows, if we can just look through them. -
I liked this a lot,
I think it was more of a story of someones {yours?] dream????
but i liked it a lot. very interesting. I am a little taken aback that you would let this person lose his job because of peer presure, hopefully you had proof to go with it. loved the story.
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Is this a true story?
is there a Mitch?
I read a book by an author a couple of years ago called Finding Alice. The girl was going through the beginning stages of schizophrenia. She was raised in a fundamental christian home, and the parents didn't not believe in kids being on drugs,
she suffered horribly, became homeless, and damn near died more than once, and that's just what she remembers.
Anyway, I became very intrigued with this girl, hat she had to through before she got the help she needed.
This is one of those stories you just know aren't over in your life. You'll never know how he is, or where he is, unless he shows himself.
So, yes, this struck a chord.
jin
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You know, I really don't have much imagination. I have a pretty good memory, and I mostly just tell the stories of my life. Every thing here is real except the name of the magazine Wilmer's house was featured in.
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An amazing story! I believe in watching out for the signs in dreams and life around us. I can't write too much as I don't feel well but I will say that the young man sounds like a winner to me!
Peace Georgia
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Hi there, and welcome to the SOM.
Let's get right to it, shall we?
Right from the start, you bring me into the action of the story...and I like that. I do think your dialogue is a wee bit stilted, but part of that is because there's no "he said" or "he said with a jaunty smile" type...things, or phrases...before or after it. (Sorry...brain strain at 6:30am and can't think of the word I needed there! 
) Also, give Mitch and Ben something to "do" while they're talking. Are they busy putting tools in the truck, to begin their day? Sipping coffee in the break room at the office headquarters? Beginning a story with a conversation, is a great way to draw a reader in early, just as it did me. The more you write, the easier dialogue becomes, so I've no doubt that's something you'll just keep getting better and better at. The later conversation between them was much smoother.
The main thing I see throughout the write, is that you may have too many "themes" going on. It's really important, when so limited on length, to keep your focus. Is this story about the homeless? Is it about the uncanny way we sometimes dream things, then have them come true? I can also see threads of a "through God, all things are possible" theme, and even subplots, as in the information of Mitch seeing his father commit suicide, and how that affected his life. (That gets thrown in right at the end, totally taking me off guard and left to wonder why I wasn't told this sooner, if it's obviously an important piece of info?) I'd suggest getting rid of any unnecessary information, (like the suicide
) and really tightening the message you want to give the reader. But as always, this is just MO.
I can't cover all aspects of a story in a comment, but hopefully my scoreboard will give you an idea of the other areas I looked at. I think you've done a really good job with this, and it's one of my favorites this week. There's a lot of depth, and probably gives me the most to ponder afterwards, of the stories I've read so far. (I still have one to go )
Thanks so much for your entry, and good luck. I hope to see you and your talents return, in future SO contests!
Best wishes,
~J.
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ello there and welcome to SOM
This was a great poem I have been in the point that I was in a shelter with my daughter even though I was not homeless and I found out that even though they do so much there is only so much that they can do this story has touched my heart as I know that many struggle like this on a daily basis.I wish you much luck in the contest my score will appear at the end of this contest with the final notes. -
Hello ~
What a great story ~
I am going to jump right in and tell you a few things....most, of which I look for in a SS format ~
You may have already read this in some of the other entries, but I can only suggest the same thing here ~
Introduce your Subject/Theme.......give me a setting.....move me along to your story-telling.....summarize it...conclude with powerful thoughts ~
In this write....you have so much info, and it tends to play hard on the Readers mind when trying to Focus on your Theme......and yes, sometimes a Theme requires a great deal of explaining.....but in a SS format, you have to get in....and get out ~
I enjoyed this Theme.....dreams are a huge part in story-telling.....so watch out for cliche Themes, and bring your creativity to the SO'Contests and watch your scores soar!
Grammatically....you have some misspelled words.....words which are no use in Imapct or Power, and tons of Filler Words which need to be cut out, so we can focus on your topic ~
Not a bad write......I bless you for being involved with the homeless....God shall reward you continuously for that ~
Good luck and God bless,
Bear ~
Title...I would click on this Title -
Intro...10...excellent way to begin....get your charactors out first! -
Body....9.5...focusing on subject was a bit hard, as you had somany things going on -
Rules....9.0......filler words....cut'em out!
Theme...9.25....focus.... lots of info in each paragraph to deal with -
Grammar...9.7.....simple, yet kept my attention very well-
Summary...9.45....not bad....you left me thinking about your Theme -
Movement....9.25...movement is all over the place...stay focused -
Conclusion...9.8..nicely concluded....nice emotion -
Creativeness..9.15.....I will be looking for more creativity in the future -
Punc/Grammar...9.0..use more punc, to slow your Readers down....check for grammatical errors and Tone -
Bears score: 94.1
Great job!
No editing once a Judge has touched your work ~
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Love your theme....
2nd line should read: Not too good...
plenty of "filler" words you can do without.
Also...you need to make new paragraphs for easier flow....all in all, a very interesting story...will be interested in the judge's opinions.....Best wishes in the contest...and always!!
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What a wondrous story ...
and also somewhat sad ... I cannot help feel sory for Mitch ... just like you did. But: know that he is in the Plan of the Divine.
Dreams are mysterious. Dreaming about a house, is always about the own spirituality. If you look at symbols, I see the end of a journey, and a change, on the spiritual level, either insight or task-orientation. Emotions are very important in dreams: how does the dream make you feel? And what exactly instigated the feeling?
That your dream came true, may not be so coincidental. Perhaps Mitch needed to see wonders happen in order to get hope ...
But for YOU Mitch himself has become a symbol ... And for all readers who read. It is for us to determine what exactly can we take from this write.
Blessed be, Poet.
Love
Myra
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I always thought it was to get mitch to pay attention to what I and wilmer were saying. You may have a typo explaining the house. It doesn't make sense to me as written.
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wow - this is interesting! Based on a true story of one of the homeless? I find it fascinating to meet people who have 'visions' or dreams like that. I have had some, but not like that!!
Good story!
anyways, best wishes in the contest.
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