12:49

12:49; I'm still too alert,
my mind is flashing
over the words that hurt

so manners aren't fashionable?
am I old-fashioned because
I think there is beauty in refinement?

maybe I'm a little odd,
but why do you isolate me
in my own home?

so I listen to rock music
while I read Shakespeare's sonnents,
but that doesn't make me a freak

and you with your "jokes"
that chip away at me,
you make me feel hideous

and you yell
and point out my mistakes,
you make me worthless and small

but you look straight through me,
never hear what I have to say,
are you wishing I'll change?

are you all waiting,
waiting for me to wake one day,
and be "normal"?

then would I be the daughter, the sister
you want me to be?
or maybe you wanted a son, a brother?

did you mean to starve me away?
did you think you can change this,
it's been nearly 17 years

all your conspiracy theories,
where is the trust?

this is my home,
but why do I feel
like an alien here?

12:49; worries cross my mind,
the spasms sicken me tonight,
but I won't tell you
how much it worries me