Oh,
Oh so tragic,
A little wooden boy,
Nothing more than a toy,
And he can't seem to relate,
His life is one big Halloween night,
I guess,
That it's over,
But I was just getting warmed up,
The feeling is all gone,
But there is this hunger's still going strong,
I feel nothing,
Dead,
In the water,
Mind is submerged,
But my soul,
It will fly,
The voices start to scream,
Scream at me to appease,
My,
Little corner,
Of the world,
Is so hollow,
But neat as you wish,
And my heart will beat in time,
Pulse doesn't go over 75,
Hell,
And high water,
And a moon that will swallow,
My sins and digest,
Please let me be,
But I crave discovery,
Try,
And remember,
As the blade slices through,
And I get a blood slide,
You brought this on yourself,
But for me there is no death.
A contest entry
- A Darker Poetry Contest III by -BlackKnight-.
525 points, ended August 11, 2008, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
Too many commas
. You don't need them. I'd get rid of 90% of them. They choke your words, and you don't want that. Simply pausing at the end of the line will suffice. And I'd get rid of all the beginning line capping. It's unnecessary for a poem this long.
"And remeber,">>remember
-sailor ptolema
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