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dawn






dawn whistles
along the lane
birdsong





A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • sailor ptolema
    August 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like this! the only thing that gives me pause, is L2...dawn doesn't really
    whistle does it?

    and I think L3 could use an indefinite article, so:

    'a birdsong'

    a nice 'ku

    thanks for entering and g'luck

    -sailor ptolema


    • Tishu
      August 4, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      "dawn doesn't really whistle does it?"

      Nope, but dawn whistles are birdsong - depends how it's read

      .... which is the intent


  • IrishGypsyRose silver member
    July 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Like this one. It paints a pretty little picture in my mind of a sunrise and a bird singing on the powerlines. Great job. ~mandie~