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she yawns





she yawns
while haymaking
so nearly autumn



A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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  • sailor ptolema
    August 3, 2008

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    she yawns
    while haymaking
    so nearly autumn

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    maybe:

    she yawns
    while bailing hay-
    it's nearly autumn

    I think that 'so' is unnecessary in this

    I really like this, especially the ties to the midwest and farming. My grandpa is a farmer, and I've helped bail hay, it's hard labor! I think nowadays, people don't know what it means to work had. So, i like the midwestern work-ethic that I feel in this piece

    thank you for entering and g'luck

    tell me if you make edits

    -sailor ptolema





    • Tishu
      August 4, 2008

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      'haymaking' could have a different connotation here s-p
      and 'so nearly autumn' is maybe a reference to her advancing years.

      • sailor ptolema
        August 4, 2008
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        yea, I know, lol. I started to space out after reading and commenting on like 50 of them . I did like this one a lot, though