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Rampage (Mad Town)








crumbling mortar
in fresh dung heap-
elephants










Author notes

Well, this is a Senryu. I hope it fits in your 'strictly haiku' contest. ^_^

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • Catie Sheeran gold member
    November 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is really creative! Good luck


  • sailor ptolema
    August 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Also, I think you should make the title the first line, as that 's what most 'ku titles are.


    • Fourthaxis
      August 5, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Actually haiku's are title-less, but what the heck?
      Oh, and I edited it though it seems pointless now! LOL

  • sailor ptolema
    August 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    crumbling mortar
    in fresh dung heap
    elephants
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    maybe:

    crumbling mortar
    in fresh dung heap-
    elephants


    I think a dash will work well here

    I like the auditory, olfactory, as well as rapid visual imagery this has. The aftereffects of a stampede. Cool. I get the picture of an earthquake.

    thanks for entering and g'luck.

    -sailor ptolema


  • toomysterious
    July 29, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I can see the thundering herds. Such vivid imagery.

1 - 6 of 6