I sit on white sand,lean back on my chair
Watch all the world as it passes me by.
Idly dreaming with much time to spare
A high flying plane leaves trails in the air
And my attention is drawn to the sky
I sit on white sand, lean back on my chair
Clouds quickly change with the currents of air
And many wonderful things pass me by
Idly dreaming with much time to spare
An old man, an anvil, some damsels fair
A black stallion with head held so high
I sit on white sand, lean back in my chair
The clouds swirl some more - I see something rare
A stone castle is just floating on by
Idly dreaming with much time to spare.
A mermaid up there with long flowing hair
Stirs memories and I give a long sigh.
I sit on white sand, lean back in my chair
Idly dreaming with much time to spare.
A contest entry
- Form Poetry Anyone? by e m i l y.
450 points, ended August 23, 2008, 15 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - The Beauty of a Villanelle by CitrineSunrise.
900 points, ended September 1, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Poetry Styles Contest by Visit.Me.On.Mars.
700 points, ended January 11, 57 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Critique please [Villanelle ?]
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
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hmmm ive never heard of this style name but its kind of familier nice job
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Villanelle's are hard work to write but worth the effort when they come out OK. Not a form I would use very often.Many thanks for your comments, they are greatly appreciated.
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did you read the rules? This is dq'd
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Please accept my apologies. I forgot how it was set up.
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This villanelle has wonderful possibilities, but the lines are a little choppy and the refrain line could use a smoother transition. The imagery was beautiful, particularly in the final stanza. Thank you for your entry. Peace, Liz
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Thank you for your thoughts and comments. In my next revision I will look at it again with your thoughts in mind.
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This is a lovely write, a villanelle that makes me relax with you and watch the changing pictures in the clouds.
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I thank you for your kind words. I found this hard to write and used another poem to get the mechanics to work for me.
I don't sit on white sand and look at the sky, but I do sit on the outdoor picnic table and idly watch the changing clouds.
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Please place your name in the author's box since this is a prewritten poem. I am allowing pre-writes only if the poet submits an original entry also. Thank you, Liz
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Well. I don't know what that means above this box, but i should like to say that i did enjoy this piece of work. I often do that and see a whole new world in them cloud formations. It's amazing what the brain can do when it needs to feed itself. The relaxing atmasphere you put across in leaning back in your chair, was perfect. The title i think summed it up quite nicely. The flow through the whole poem brought everything to an ending without any abrupt stop. Very smooth, impressive.
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I am happy that you enjoyed this poem so much. thank you. It is a form of poetry not used a lot. maybe because its hard work on the brain.
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