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Squashed

Summer days
orchard walk
Bitter Lemmon

A contest entry

What did you think

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Comments


  • sailor ptolema
    August 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I think it should be 'lemon' ...


    Summer days
    orchard walk
    Bitter Lemmon
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    maybe:

    summer days
    during an orchard walk
    I bit bitter lemon


    What do you think? I think that makes it a bit more succinct, and flows better, thus creating a better picture. I think with edits, this could be a great piece. Makes you think of someone who is not enjoying the relaxing summer

    thanks for entering and g'luck

    -sailor ptolema