We are falling down a black hole
Deep as the pupil inside your blue eye
Maybe once we're out of here
We'll run away to another galaxy
Leave the old world behind
We're already light years and light years from home...
Travel through the skies that change from indigo to black
We are wandering space gypsies
Let's experience the freedom
As we grow our cosmic angel wings
Jump from planet to planet and
Star to star together
We already left without a trace
And dreamed away to outer space
I know you will never leave me
I can talk to you up here
Soon nobody will remember us
And our bones will turn to dust
To grow the flowers of the universe
Author notes
I gave it another try...
A contest entry
- The Poetic Universe by Sprite.
1600 points, ended August 10, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Every line paints a different picture. REALLY. it's so weird and awesome! I love how you wrote it! Keep up the good work
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A truly nice beginning to this poem brings the readers in and makes them want to read on. The ending is very interesting and I like that too, though it felt a little abrupt.
I can visualize you skipping across the black sky, smiling as you go. The tone is quite nice and makes for a charming read.
The flow is uneven and I did find it difficult to get into a rhythm reading the poem. I see that as something for you to work on. The other aspects are lovely. ~ J
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I love those first two lines, and the last two as well. You've tied this poem up very well: the beginning stays in your mind as you read it, and the ending lingers with you afterward. Truly a beautiful poem.
Well penned.
~lost
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This is splendid of a write there!! This is awesome! You are so very talented and you so deserve to win! Good luck with the contest.
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I cant believe I haven't been keeping up with your writes! THis is beutiful sissy!! KEep up the great work!
love you babe!
Mylee -
Keep trying until your words reach out and touch you. Then they will touch us all. Thanks for sharing, Boog
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Thank you for entering. I will comment later. ~ Joyce
p.s. Interesting take on the prompt!
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