“Morning, I see you’re already up?”
“Well, after the dream of that chick
You had how could I not be??????”
“Ahhhh, she’s just an acquaintance??”
“Acquaintance my ass!
She had splinters in her belly!”
“Well, I did sorta find her attractive???”
“SORTA! Hey, look at me fool!
I bet you’re damn near to passing out!!??”
“Yeah, Ok, I do feel a little woozy
But its like 5:45 AM, give me a break huh?”
“GIVE YOU A BREAK!!!?? Look, I was sound
Asleep until that damn dream of yours, not look at me!”
“Hmmmmmm…damn I think I should tie a flag on you
Or perhaps we’ll go down to the dock and do some fishing huh?”
“Yeah, OK, and when Mr Piranha comes by and gobbles me
Bye-bye fun times, bye-bye those late Friday nights; comprende?”
“Ahhh, you’re just pissed because you had to exercise too early?”
“OK mighty mouth…how about YOU get me some real exercise
Instead of just having wet dreams of all those chicks at work
That won’t go out with you for love or money??”
“Hey, it takes time to win them over ya know???”
“Time huh???? Most of them were prepubescent when you first met them and now they’re all menopausal so like how much TIME do you need Jack?”
“Gee, you sound like a malcontent there my firm friend
Why don’t you relax a while and take it easy?”
“Easy? Hell, why don’t you pay for some so I can get some change
Like a change of underwear for God’s sake!!???”
“Been too tight on you of late huh ??????
Shall I wear my boxers?????”
“Boxers, which ones, the ones with the hearts and flowers
Cindy gave you and you can’t pull up over your ass anymore?
Or the one’s with the cute Armadillos on them??”
“GOD! And here I thought you were my fun friend all these years
And come to find out you’re just a jealous prick!!???”
“Say Goodnight Jack, as I’m about to shut off the blood totally
From that useless other head of yours!!!!!!!!
But, I do believe the Mortician
Will enjoy trying to put me down huh?”
A contest entry
- Rent-A-Muse by Dalaney.
1200 points, ended August 10, 2008, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Awesome!
Prepubescent to menopause--positively hysterical! I love the whole "jealous prick" bit. Conversation brilliant. Wonderful write! -
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Piranhas are really cool. Theoretically...
Amidst the meat sandwich of funny, my favorite part:
“Acquaintance my ass!
She had splinters in her belly!”
Good luck
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This is funny! good job!!!!!
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