I hate you.
I hate you because you’re
growing inside of me like a parasite;
Kicking me savagely from the inside out
as though you wish to tear my flesh and crawl through the wound,
all cherub limbed and squinty eyed with nought but my blushing blood
for swaddling clothes.
I hate you so much that
I wish that I could somehow delve inside of me;
Past the mucus and sugared fluid
to wring out your tender little foetal neck
until your head explodes to resemble an over-sized pimple,
Your tiny brain splattering over my hands like thick grey puss.
I hate you so much that
talk of you burns the back of my throat
like the vomit lingering there as a putrid reminder
that you are alive inside of me and that
when you come out you’ll be fucking me in reverse
like a cheapened whore.
I hate you. because I know.
I hate you because I know that you’d look just like Him.
Hang yourself with an umbilical noose
And save me...
...from twisting this screwdriver through my swollen stomach.
Author notes
No, I'm not pregnant, nor have I ever been. I just tried to put myself in the mindset of a woman who's having her rapist's baby.
A contest entry
- Abortion: Anything Goes by SignifyingNothing.
425 points, ended November 18, 2007, 38 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 69 of 69
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Gasp! As dark and evil and horrific as this is, it is an incredible poem. So well expressed, it drips with hatred, but the imagery is incredible, as terrible as it is. You really got inside the head of this woman. To think that a woman could hate her own child so much is disturbing, but it definitely reflects on the violence of abortion! I'm...speechless. Wow.
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WOW
I absoultly love this. I did'nt until I read the note at the bottom but after seeing it I absoultly love it. I guess that just goes to show things are never seem. This was absoultly brilliant.
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very emotional and powerful...great job
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if popular consent is something to go by, then this poem is a hit. this poem thrives on sensationalism, on lurid, stephen king stuff... which doesn't go quite well with me. actually i was a bit amused when i read this poem. i've followed you poems so far, and much of it is about a woman's maschoistic, sexual submission. now here is a poem about a woman who has been raped and who is venting her anger on an unborn, apparently innocent baby. the anger is displaced from the proper object of hatred and a bit over-exaggerated... i can understand the anger of a rape victim felt towards the rapist, but why the baby. if someone doen't want it then just abort it. it's like the horror movies that elicit laughter because they miss out the psychological complexities of the characters. my main objection is that the psyche of the mother is made too simple: i hate him, so i hate the baby. you are a lawyer, you can do better than this!!!
as for the poem in itself, the way you've handled the words are, as in your other poems, very adept. you've been careful in choosing the words that elicit disgust more than hate. i must also put further that your opening gambit was very bold. i can never put something like "i hate you" in the very first line. and in some ways it works, in that you no longer have to describe the hatred and can concentrate on disgust and anger (which need not be the same as hatred). well doing!!
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lmao. I wrote this one 4 years ago... I've no idea why AP bumped it up too recent. You're right though... it lacks the depth that i try to portray these days but maybe sometimes simplicity is a good thing? Especially when trying to portray a real emotion. The projection of hatred to the baby is something that i'd watched a documentary on at some point I think.
Haha and now I'm trying to justify myself too much. I like it though... for some bizarre reason I really like this. It lacks tact or any real poetic skill, but...
Ahhh.
xxx -
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4 years ago you say? i can imagine the newspaper headlines screaming "Mother kills herself with her fetus with a screw driver!!!" i haven't written anything for a while too, i think i should follow your lead and put up stuffs i wrote 4 years ago
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Wow.....
this is a very, very sad and powerful piece. You played the part well, it's....just, wow. Really twisted but i'm sure a common emotion shared by many who are raped and become pregnant. The ending was amazing. It really showed everything
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oh man. I wont be clicking random any time in a hurry again
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wow amazing great poem, good luck but really wow is all i can say it just wow, amazign deep and the pic made it more, wow, lol AMAZING JOB
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beautious
I love how twistedly morbid this poem is, the imagery is vivid and
you can just feel the utter discust for the child. I was even releived to find it wasn't real, Awsome poem i cant find anything wrong with it ^^ good luck -
um....well.... i would say i dont know how you fell but i do... but um... good job... keep up the good work?
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wow...... fucking awesome.........
I.............. ah............... so so so good
rabid -
this is really great good luck in my contest
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this is a really creapy poem, i really hope that this isnt real
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This was amazing not only because it totally fucking blew my brains out, it blew me away too. The emotion in this is so hateful and it makes my stomach writhe in that hatred. You have my vote. Completely.
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wow... awesome... totally dark and anger driven... interesting how you put yourself in someone elses shoes!
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This was fucking awesome...had me going for a while...but truly twisted and discriptive...Loved it. the details and just the images produced while reading it, and i kept Scrolling back up to the picture...amazing write...goodluck to you...
Jessixa -
This is very dark and twisted it had my stomach in knots. I think this is the most horrifying thing I have read in a long time you gave some semi graphic details in this. And some parts I was just sickened by. I guess because I want a child and cannot have one, i guess this just rubbed me the wrong way.
Jenn -
awesome
WOW! i love this poem. fabulous, so unique and beautiful. I must applaud it! really, really great job, one of the best I've seen in a while. -
Oh my, wow. That was a great read. The emotion you put in it was so strong that I felt that you had to have experienced this. The fact that you didn't and portrayed so much emotion in a poem about it shows that you obviously have some talent. I entered a poem in this contest that I felt was actually going to have a chance, now I read this one and I know I've got no chance at first. Good job.
Keep writing,
Josh -
Given that it is the product of a rape. Yeah go with abortion. But this was extremely gory and awful for me. I have two beautiful children and I have miscarried once. This poem shocked me. I am sitting here with my jaw on the floor. I don't have probs with abortion because I know there are extreme circumstances, but a screwdrive through her stomach. that's cruel and unusual.
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well, very.. visual, lol, but very good... I liked it a lot... even though it talked about killing a baby.. but I understand why. Very dark, veary hateful, very good,
Best of luck to you in the contest
-Peace
~Final:g -
LoneStar:
I'm glad you liked this but don't let it stop you from entering the contest... I've read your work before and you're very talented! Besides, judges tastes vary, this is one of those poems you either love or hate.
Good luck to you,
~Faded -
Excellent
Wow. That's all I can say is WOW. You are reeeeallly twisted, and at first I hated the fact you were killing the unborn child but as I read on I understood why. This is a powerful piece and I just love it!
~VS -
I'm not going to even bother entering this contest now, This was absolutely stunning. What drew me in what the title ( because of the NIRVANA song lyric) what kept me interested was the picture and what had me hooked was the ending. I love everything you've done with this piece and I really hope you win.
LoneStar -
OMG!!! What a sick and yet incredible write, lol. My little sister was still born due to exfixiation (SP? All wrong, I know) from twisting in the birth canal and getting the umbilical chord wrapped around her throat, so this kinda struck a chord. It's kind of sad to think that somewhere in this world someone really wishes this. Fabulous imagery.
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Well done! Very chilling and disturbing. Lovely (or not) imagery too! lol
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WOW... I am the mother of 3 beautiful boys, and this poem made me cry all day today, I felt such deep sadness this whole day. Hell it is hard for me to write this comment... I am so happy this was not real life for you. Whats sad though is that there are young and old women out there that have these thoughts as I type this comment. This truely is an eye opening write.
You are a very talented writer.
Good luck in the contest!
~C.J.~ -
Wow. I came out of that with a wrench in my stomach. Congratulations, that's exactly what I was going for
This is incredibly twisted and so bloody wrong. I love it so much
Great job with this, and keep it up. I must say, you're on my preferred list for winners, here
Thanks for entering.
~Smidge~
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AWESOME!!!
As I began to read this I was horrified...which is odd...especially for me...but as I read my view of this poem changed. I beleive this is an extremely good write...especially from someone who is NOT pregnant (have you by chance been before?) Great Write! Keep up the good work!!! -
This is intense. The imagery you have in this is just so powerful that the images were just playing over and over in my head. This was well written even though not from personal experience. Nicely expressed.
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hell that should have won this contest! that was a creepy yet awesome write! i really like it does that make me creepy?
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Holy fucking christ... This is completely genius. It's so grotesquely beautiful.. Scary, yet beautiful. It almost made me want to cry from the beginning.. being that you were talking about murdering the child within you.. Yet whenever I got to the line where you were talking about the father.. And how the child would look just like it, I understood. This drew me so far into itself its not even explainable. I was salivating in a sick sort of way as you talked about the death.. Very interesting. I think I remember a movie or a book or something that has this same kind of idea in it. It's fucking brilliant though..
My favorite lines vvvvv
when you come out you’ll be fucking me in reverse
like a cheapened whore.
That hit me so hard it's unbelievable. This is a definite contender in my mind for a trophy.
Great write and good luck!
Ho||oW
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This piece could almost sound as if you were raped, and I know it states in your author's comments that you're not pregnet, but for the sake of the poem- it sounds like that was the dilemma. For a woman to hate her baby so much, could either mean that she's absolutely insane, that she was raped, or for some other odd reason of human nature...
-Abby Eyeball-
Very Interesting Write
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Whoa. I don't even know what to say. That was so powerful. Yes, it was a bit twisted, but I loved it, nonetheless. It was so descriptive and full of emotion. Great job! Keep writing and good luck in the contest.
~Trisha~ -
Incredible. Simply Amazing. Brilliant poetry. I could literally feel the emotion pouring out of the page as I was reading this. This particular poem exemplifies both your talent as a young poet and your vivid imagination. In this poem, the reader feels for both the mother of this foetus and for the unborn baby itself. Throughout my life, I find myself wondering why my birthmother gave birth to me, why she didn't simply abort and kill me off as a foetus. I've always had a hard time looking at pregnancy from the mother's point of view. I was given up for adoption when I was young and had a not-so-great childhood. Of course, without that, I wouldn't be where I am now. My life would have stayed shite and I wouldn't be introduced to the "good things" in life. Everything's finally turning around now. If my birthmother had aborted me, then I wouldn't be where I am today. I wouldn't even be here. That would be a shame, especially since I'm starting to enjoy life as of now. This poem made me flinch. It's blatently honest...the type of thing today's world needs. Well I have a feeling that this comment's getting a tad long so I'll stop it here. I hope we can talk sometime in the future. Take care.
Cecilia -
Yeah I agree with Bambie k2004. I was like how could someone have so much hatred for their very own child and then i read the authors note and it helped alot. It show how much your emotion can show in your poetry and how you are a very very good writter. Good job!
~Luv/Laura
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I will have to admit..when I started reading this poem I wanted to strangle you..lol So, I read on and then your comment helped a lot..I was ready to tell you just what I thought..yeah the poem is really sick and insane, but it also shows me that you have a REAL imagination..NOT something I am used to seeing..It's put together nice..the topic freaked me out though..lol I guess your one of them people that can write about anything..Congrats on that..I'm not one of them..wish I was..but I am not..Great Job!! Best of luck to you..
Much love
Bambie -
Congradulations for winning my contest. I just loved ur poem! it was so different than all the others i read. It was so sad and you use such great discription in your poems. I felt for the mother in this poem and i felt for this poor unborn baby. again great job and thank you so much for entering! bye
SAVE THE FROGS!!! -
This is an amazing poem. It is very descriptive n um...a little gory n nasty but very good. It has such raw emotion n although the person in this poem wants to kill her unborn baby i still feel sry for her. Awesome write n good luck in this contest!
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You scare me, although I've actually worked with women who felt this strongly but had no way to express it. Perhaps you could be their voice?
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this is...sad, it must be hard though, if this is happining to you, great write though
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great
I can well imagine that a lot of people might view this in such a way to remark ( and not kindly) on what an absolutely horrible thing you have put together here..as for me, I have given birth to 6 babies and was excruciatingly sick for each and every pregnancy...there were days that i feel sure my thoughts might have mirrored some of the lines in this piece...I felt as if I was the one being strangled by the umbilcal cord...and anyone that knows me , absoluetly knows that I would die for any of my children..and that any and all fleeting thoughts of hate toward my body for being swollen and stretched and pummmeled and causing me to have morning sickness for months completely vanished the moment my child was born... For the men or for the women not brave enough to voice their "dark" thoughts I say ...at least some of us are honest and not afraid to voice the other sideof the story..great write -
Wow! That is awesome! It is very... odd, and slightly wrong, but that is ok! I absolutely love it! you used awesome expression, and just.... wow! great job!
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wow... ouch. lol its a good ouch though. this poem is like a back-hand to the face, but a back hand some people need. this poem is sadly relative to many people today, so, good write. its nice to see people say what others wont. ur my idol! (jk)
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wow. this is wonderful...it's amazing how you cant put so much raw feeling into it. i dont know what else to say except wow...it's almost breathtaking the way you decribe it...
-kayla=/ -
i hate this poem cus it made me flinch alot.. then again thats also why i liked it.
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Gutsy gutsy write! I love what you've got that lets you give us this. Intensely expressed emotions, not dressed up or defensive. Just raw and out there on the edge. God, I love someone who can write like this. Awesome!
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lol, you sick sick F*K! similiar to a foetus? In what way?!? lmao! never seen a foetus on the bus falling to its ass as the bus breaks! or sitting next to me on bus smelling of cabbage and failed incontinence pads! and if i ever have a kid and at the birth it comes out with a blue rinse it is going straight back in i tell thee! turned on? sick puppy! cool comment!
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Like an orgasm
I might be turned on! Wait, just indigestion. But this was a great poem. I love dirty gory shit like this. Ever thought about writing a poem about an old woman? Similar to a fetus, right? -
Well, at least you're not reall pregnant. Very descriptive, and strong imagery here. This poem, though throughly disgusting to me, I can tell was well written because it gave me (and I'm sure others) so strong a reaction. It is indeed scary, and creepy, but it is a perfectly believable rationalization. I pictured the voice as being a rape victim. Really good work here. Thank you for entering this poem into the contest-
Jess -
You scare me SCARY PERSON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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WOW! that was absolutely awesome!! the sickest thing I have ever hurt my eyes with without a doubt! you are a sick sick puppy!! I am a bloke but my stomach cringed at the thought of most of it! Absolutely wonderful. I am going to wash my hands after typing praise to such a sickly, fantastically, gut wrenching brilliantly detailed write. YUK!
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holy fuck.
damn.
mr.stone up there pretty much said what i wanted to.
ballsy write with talent leaking.
stellar write.
the rawness of this piece
brings it to life.
a standalone piece.
untouchable write.
-ash- -
oh man, that is twisted! but really good expression! you not only have talent, but courageous talent - to go for it no matter what. very few women I know would even whisper, much less write down, feelings like that - even if they were experiencing them. and I'm sure more than a few do. and most would be afraid to say these things even if they were just exercising their writing skills. I especially like how you "show" your feelings with imagery. good writing!
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that was absolutely fantastic, the picture was beautiful, and the poem blew me away, twisted mind or not, i agree, i dont particularly like children, hence why i have none, btu it had a peaceful sort of irony in it, i dunno its what i saw, the structure was nicely done, flowed well, no rhyme scheme really, which is nice, and you still made it flow, which is all the better, anyways nice write, i recommend my peom the most peaceful thing, its simply 4 lines, but you might like it
peace , Eoj -
The picture is striking, and the poem breaks my heart. I think especially the "parasite" mention, because it brought back an awful memory. Following the birth of my very planned son, the chemicals in my body went out of whack (some are 1000 times normal during pregnancy), and plunged me into a deep depression.
I was floating on air following his birth, and then suddenly within a week his cry gave me chills, his touch gave me goosebumps-- it was awful. I couldn't sleep when his things were in my bed, and I was so very, very tired.
I'd always wanted to breastfeed, and enjoyed the closeness for the first week. Then, it suddenly repulsed me. When I finally admitted there was a problem (I felt so guilty for not being the mother I'd always thought I'd be)and went to the dr, he asked me how I felt about breastfeeding, and I said, "It's like he's a parasite, sucking my life out". He told me not to worry, explained the chemical situation, and started me on antidepressants that would replace the missing chemicals until mine kicked in. All in all, I spent six months trapped there, in that dark place.
I can say without hesitation my son's been my greatest joy, and I'd go through it all again for him. oh, those were dark days. I'm grateful I had to walk through them, though, because I treasure what I have with him now so much more than I could have otherwise.
The way the child in this poem is thought of as a tumor or something of negetive value (of detriment) is disturbing and heartbreaking. So often, (even in cases of rape) the joy the child itself brings ends up proving compensation for the act, and helps to heal the mother's heart. -
Brilliantly written...especially considering it was projected emotion and not something from your own experience. The subject was somewhat disturbing (I see nearly everyone else commented on the same thing) but it's understandable that women would sometimes feel that way, for example in the case of rape. Anyway, subject matter aside, you've created a wonderful poem here, suffused with original and wonderful imagery - my favourite line being 'with nought but my blushing blood for swaddling clothes'. Amazing.
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excellent
WOW that is certainly a lot of hate. I cannot see the picture as AP is on the blink, but am now curious enough to come back on a good day to view the photo. The poem would i think relate to a woman that had concieved a child through a traumatic experience such as rape. Well done on the emotion of the piece. Great write! -
First and formost I must apologize for taking so long to return the favor. Second, I must thankyou for taking the time to read, and leave such a delectable comment on my piece. Thankyou. =)
This is actually quite the piece. You've taken something that is quite the touchy subject, and twisted it into a perspective that seems to lash out, and force the reader into hating this thing, that grows within your womb. Unfortunately, AP, is being funky, and not allowing me to see anything other than a red x for your photo, but none the less, this piece actually makes me think of a rape victim. One who was impregnated by their attacker. In which, such a situation, it makes it understandable, and yet, draws a compaassion for hate. ALthough, know I'm wondering what the picture is. Perhaps you could email it to me? Well, I'm sure you have better things to do, than listen to me ramble. Wicked write, remarkably done.
-Ken -
Excellent
A great psychopathological disection into a twisted mind. How did you do it? -
Oh My god! this is so amazing! this is so so crazy! it gave me shivers! hole shit keep it up! you so have a sopt in my favorites!
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wow, slightly twisted and disturbing, but i liked it, well writtten
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kick ass poem, wonderfully well written and an original idea. The entire poem really kept me gripped in just because it was written about something so awful and it was done well. It didn't sound all corny like a lot of the horror poems I have read in my day and it actually brought me out of it feeling something other than boredom and hatred towards the author. This was one of the best poems i have read so anyways keep writing great stuff like this
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:S
wow.
ok. no more chocolate chip cookies and milk before bed young lady. I hear milk before bed gives you nightmares and weird thoughts
(cuz it sits in your tummy while you sleep....and dont freaking ask me why I just told you that, cuz I havent a clue LOL )
anyway, this almost not offended me.....but made me ache. Because I have had three babies (one died in utero though) and its hard to read as a mother who knows what its like to have a child growing inside me, to read about someone hating theirs....I just cant imagine hating them and wanting to kill them
but Im quite impressed with your muse however....you are NOT going to babysit 
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wow. that was quite impressive. especially because it almost offended me. but I only found it to be outright, and honest(brutally) there's so much raw emotion in this that it hurts me
i am very, very impressed.
zzz -
to echo those above me... wonderful poetry, but yes, very disturbing. However, I sit next to a girl who epitomises this, was forced by her family not to abort the child of her exboyfriend who raped her. Horrible situation. I wonder if she felt like this.
Its a wonderful insite though, into the depths of regret, the fight against emotion. The choices for phrases and imagry... VERY original, obviously they had to be, I doubt anyones ever done anything like this before.
The title especially... heh... -
wow...I dont know what to say...it's disturbing, but really amazing. like it's really happening. very powerful. awesome poem
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well, wether you think so or not, it is good poetry. And a good subject too, I bet a lot of mothers want to dispose of the children inside of them... For the ones who do, it must feel just like the way you described.
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