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A Modern Relic's Remorse

Missing image

 

 

Of winter's wise
and whining wars,
I wait for memory to return
home alone and for a welcome song.

Surviving stretched sins
ancient sacrificial sorrows sublime,
I sing of nothing now
lest silence reign again.

Such valiant sons and daughters
roamed within lush pathways forlorn,
I wonder why the years have stretched
my mindfulness to limits long lost.

In weathered pane and well-trekked boards
mysteries lay buried beneath,
I long to linger with you and tell
a tale too terrific and spine-tingling.

But, alas, tonight no one sleeps here
under clapboard roof and post and beam.
Only wanderers return to murmur
sweet nothings in my halls by days.

I sit a relic in a modern age
a long lost moment etched in time.
I long to be reborn anew
and hear sweet nothings again in me.

Perhaps in some future holding space
past decades and centuries long gone,
I too will sit and listen once more
to songs alive, vibrant, young, and renewed.

 

 

Author notes

Photo taken from http://www.dorchesterhistoricalsociety.org/images/1298-lemuel-clap-house.jpg

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A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • whispernthedark Greeters member
    September 6, 2008

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    You painted quite a story for that home. Great write, thank you for entering the contest. Good luck.


    whisper


  • sassykitty
    August 7, 2008

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    Excellent descriptive details convey the feelings of the poetic voice extrememly effectively and I did like the characterisation going on here. You create evocative imagery very successfully, this is a maturely worded and crafted piece. Congratulations on your trophy, well deserved.


  • NanohaSakura
    August 7, 2008
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    I think it shows greatness


  • Shya
    August 7, 2008

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    Well-written. Such great phrases used here, and poetic devices... I noticed that you've emplyed alliteration in the first two stanzas. I truly love the last stanza. Also, great imagery! The tone of this poem was a longing tone, soft and nostalgic. My favorite lines:

    I long to linger with you and tell
    a tale too terrific and spine-tingling.

    I just have a few questions: What do you mean by "winter's wise and whining wars"? Wise and whining, a beautifully written juxtaposition that I don't understand. And what do you mean by "mindfulness"?

    Shya


  • after-silence
    August 7, 2008

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    Really nice work of expressing the desire to regain past youth and vivacity, as well as the sense of being out of place in an unfamiliar time. I like the wording on all of these lines.

    I have one question and I don't know if it's just me not getting this, but the lines "I sing of nothing now / lest silence reign again" seems a little confusing to me... If the house is worried about silence reigning wouldn't it want to sing then? Beautiful lines but just wanted to check if that sentence makes sense.

    Lovely, emotional poem with an original point of view. Great work! I stand in awe of your poetry


  • xXxPsycho KillerxXx
    August 6, 2008

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    Excellent

    The Words Are Beautiful, And Fit Together Perfectly...

    Nicely Done, My Friend!

    - Victoria


  • ShaShay
    August 6, 2008
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    Very nicely done. It had the voice of longing and loving. I enjoyed this a lot. Pen on...~Poo~


  • JeannieD Hunter gold member
    August 6, 2008

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    What incredible lines you have penned here that make the reader think and feel as an empty house might. This is a terrific take on this picture. Wonderfully written. Thanks so much for entering my contest, and good luck!


    • thelordreigns gold member
      August 6, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Thank you Jeannie. I loved the picture. In a way, this poem is a metaphor for my own (an many others) lost youth ...

1 - 10 of 10