you were so good at making
me feel comfortably full:
your personality flavoured courses
with spices & thoughts
that just kept me
filling more plates
than i could carry.
but i wasn't the only one;
around me buzzed sounds
of satisfaction from you,
of you
& hands on stomachs rubbed
a contented smile
like an expecting mother.
at least they wouldn't be back
tomorrow as i would
to get to know more about you,
to see if i feel the same way.
every now & then, when i see
you're getting empty,
i'll go to the kitchen
then try to fill you up
& change the bulbs to keep you
warm;
perhaps one day i'll sit down
next to you (both full
from each other)
& we could share dessert.
A contest entry
- Searching by crivanea.
300 points, ended August 5, 2008, 21 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Food and love - two of my favouirite things. I like the way you've sustained the central metaphor in this well-focused and evocative poem. There's desire and want and sensuality throughout the poem and you've captured these very well.
And I like the cute, sweet ending. It gives me hope.
best wishes,
Myron.
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i love the title!!!..so cute..so sweet..very touching..a perfect romantic poem..the poem is just adorable..and u def. have the skill of a talented poet..good luck in the contest
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i love the title.
overall, this was good - but probably my least favorite of yours this season. [but with that said, that means you're pretty damn good.]
i think the whole love/hunger tie is kind of cliche. i've seen similar concepts before. even though this isn't entirely original, the bright side is that you took a cliche and executed it well.
"not unlike an expecting mother."
- i get what you are saying, but the double negative makes it flow awkwardly. maybe just say "like".
the buffet metaphor was the best part about this whole poem. everything else was good, but it was something i have already seen before.
overall, it's pretty good -
& it's great that you are writing again. i take it that you took a break too.
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LOL. in all honesty, the whole cliché love/hunger thing hadn't occured to me whatsoever, hahahaha. (I'm laughing at myself on that one) Wow... *hides head in shame* I was like "ooh, buffet, never used that one before". *rolls eyes* Um, thank you for pointing that out, now I definitely feel like a total idiot. ♥ hahaha. And the double negative too, wow.
as for my break from writing... it wasn't intentional, lol. my mind was just experimenting different choking methods with my muse, that's what it was. hahahahahaha
thank you very much for your thorough comment, Tyler, I appreciate it.
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I don't care if this isn't your best, its AMAZING! I am so GLAD you've started writing again! *breaks out the champagne* I really loved this!
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awwwwwwwwww. thank you. ♥
I must admit: though it was hard, it did feel good to write again.
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